Savannah, Georgia

Saturday evening, March 23, 2019. I am in Savannah, GA.  This wasn’t part of my PCS (permanent change of station) trip. I missed my train ride from Sanford, FL. I failed to realize that the auto train is only offered there, which was near Orlando. Oh well...I guess it was a blessing in disguise as so far I got to visit the Kennedy Space museum and see Savannah which was what I had originally intended to do. 

I didn’t have a plan so I just went with Trip advisor and saw that Bonaventure Cemetary was listed as an attraction. The photo looked nice and I liked the name because it was our church’s Patron saint. I am glad I booked the tour. It was long but I learned so much. And it was relaxing and for an afternoon I thought nothing at all, except of the property’s history and beauty.

Next I just picked a couple of sites and used Google Maps app to plot my self-driving tour. Interesting to say the least..Saw the river front, historic area where there was a horse carriage and a wedding going on..Last but not least a community park and a few churches. After a while, most city layouts has the same. This one according to the map had many squares!! After 2.5 hours of walking at Bonaventure Cemetery I wasn’t about to do any more downtown. So that was my day!!

Ready for tomorrow...where I will catch up with my cousin in Chesterfield, Virginia!!

Bell 🔔 to detract grave robbers. Didn’t work out that much. 

Stories of urns, drapery, flower beds, famous gravesites and statued headstones

Beautiful

My last day in sunny Florida.  At least for another three weeks until I come back to see my family.  It has been very emotional for me these last few weeks.  God said He would not give me more than I can handle.  It's time for me to go.

Yesterday was an amazing day for me.  Because I felt like for the first time in a long time, I truly connected with my daughter. We ended our afternoon by attending self-defense class.  I chose to do this last activity for her as a mental and physical reminder of her strength.  I'm happy for her, that she already has many of the skills to defend herself and would not let anyone walk over her.  At least I'd like to try to believe I gave her enough love to let her trust the world, and to be empowered.  I also feel strong finishing the class, knowing that although I started out maybe powerless, I can transform myself and prepare for any future battle that comes my way.

I finally finished my angel painting. I've been wanting to do this for almost a year.  Alyssa knows because the canvas has been blue and empty sitting in the corner for quite some time.  I couldn't ask of a better way to end my afternoon by painting the colors of my angel, one to watch over my family.  I've already consecrated myself to Mary.  She will take care of the rest.  As much as I want to believe how many times I've been ugly..And I mean in a behavioral way which of course can lead to me feeling ugly on the outside.  I've end my day the way it should...Beautiful.

I got a wonderful e-mail from a close friend with also the comment "beautiful."  It gave me such encouragement that I needed to hear.  SoulCore was one of the journeys I've taken where I felt like I had something positive to contribute to the community.  And it was said at least twice at the end of the sessions I've lead, "that was beautiful."  SO I will end my journey here and remember those words...Beautiful.

For God’s Glory

Yesterday I got to present on career day for the eighth grade classes of North Miami middle school about jobs with the Department of State. This endeavor began just a month ago in preparation for my assignment as IT recruiter in Washington DC. It was definitely a satisfaction for me because I feel like my practice in participating in Toastmasters to becoming a more confident and engaged speaker has resulted in a message that God wanted me to deliver to these young kids. I can see by my eye contact with some of them that they have a hope, that they care about their future. I thank the Lord that he gives me the opportunity to focus on helping others.

 As for my own personal emotional pain it’s part of the suffering Jesus had to go through on the cross and I know that MARY will intercede for me because that’s all I have left.  I will I not rely on my own self to fix relationships, to try to defend myself, or to try to explain why I do what I do.  In the end it’s a no-win situation because people see what they want to see.

Every message that I have has an intent and purpose, and when it’s received it may be taken well (or not).  I pray that God will continue to give me clarity to communicate more clearly in an age where people are more disconnected than ever by technology and its limits. 

Time to enjoy the rest of my warm weather before I head to the cold. God Answers my prayer in his own way.  I wanted to be a model or an actor something that will bring me attention and love. But that wouldn’t be for His glory. But instead He chose me to be a recruiter where I do get to stand in front of a crowd influence them and inspire them, not for my glory but for His.

I will continue my journey to try and let love shine. It will meet up with resistance and persecution, but I must believe and bear all things.  Because true love never fails. 

A Transitional Time

Day 7. Like every other move there are many things that happened during transition time. You start to have dreams that tells you how you feel about the move..For example in my dream I was envious of Jason for having more stability and friends, whereas on my side, it was scarce. 

Another thing that happens during transition is that people begin to disconnect or disengage from you, personally and professionally, which can be a good or a good or a bad thing. You might feel sensitive that they no longer need you or you can accept the fact that this is a life and they are starting to depend on other people.

It is an anxious time no doubt. But it is also time to celebrate a new beginning. This weekend I got to spend some time with old friends and the soccer family which was such a blessing. Makes me happy to continue to add to my gratitude list with the love around us.

A new beginning for spiritual growth and for new skills. Toastmasters is my next endeavor and hopefully, theater.  Anything to better communicate orally. So much of our relationships depend on this. After all, if you heard the statistics before, the other party receives not nearly half of what the sender intended. There is even a nice chart about percentage that make up communication 

by Professor Mehrabian. Shocking that 38% is nonverbal. Thanks to the internet huh? If you want a truthful answer, see them eye to eye.

With that thought, think in complete sentences before you speak!  And watch that body language :D Time to get back to my last week in Florida.

You Will Know When

Day five of staycation. I went to the meeting with all the big peeps or should I say IT managers of various US embassies as well as the FRC regional management director about a federation group that decides on computer applications to be rolled out to the North and South America. I went mostly to network but I really didn’t know what the meeting was about it. At the end of meeting I kind of felt foolish for being the least informed. But they were all nice and thankful that I was there. God accomplished what he wanted me to do there. 

It has been two days since the prayer session. Suddenly, old memories start to surface. It is amazing the power of prayer. God has tried to tell me my faulty ways of perceiving the world yesterday and still today, and how can I be free of such bondage.  

Bottom line..I cried and was frustrated that I still feel the way I do. It’s like...”God are you hearing me?!?! Change me.” And his answer was... “I will let you know when.”

So I continue to pray with strength and leave you with this song in mind, “Tears in Heaven.” Oddly enough I heard the song growing up and I was not into it, nor was I connected to it.

https://www.smule.com/p/1238469549_2841961656

Enjoy

"My Child You are Loved" says God

Day three of staycation continues. What have I learned..well I’ve learned that you have to sharpen the saw otherwise old habits creep in. A goal is not achieved just once. Maintenance is the hardest part. I also learned that in life you must take risk and not be afraid to be vulnerable that’s the only way you can grow. We are never the same, as we grow from our mistakes. No human on earth is perfect. 

Tennis lesson went well instructor says. “Bo stop hitting so hard.”  Why am I trying so hard to just make it over the line there is always an easier way and working *smarter* not harder is possible. Slicing the ball and changing the angles you get different results.

I got with a prayer group and I find out a few things.  I shouldn't be self-reliant on myself for my success or even changing myself to become a better person. I was taught that I had to depend on myself such as working through college, getting my own job.. I didn't depend on the Almighty when it was actually the Almighty who enabled me to come this from me.  It was the Almighty who allowed me to stay in this job this long, to be making this much money, who gave me so many talents to share.  I need not feel guilty or ashamed for using the tools God gave me to provide for my own comfort.  This is the devil talking.  

And for those of you who envy me.  DO not.  There's not much to be envious if you knew how many demons I have to fight.  Everything on the surface appears fine, but like Father told me...it's all a mask we all put out.  What is your mask?  Yes, I'm envious of you. Of your confidence, of your talents, of your ability to be independent and because of the threat of you taking away God's love from me.  

I will pray that God gives you more talent, and that *I* can bask in your glory and be happy for you.  I pray that love will continue to be abundant for you.  There is no limit with love.  Love is NOT an emotion like in the movies.  Love is sacrifice like what Jesus did on the cross.  Love is not self-seeking.  God's love grows, the more I give.

In Jesus name.

Staycation before I leave Florida

I ended my last day of work last week quite gracefully.  I checked out months ago, cleaned my office and had all the signatures necessary.  Since the time I was working in my first federal job, I thoroughly left trails and training for people of the things I did for that office.  That's just how I work.  I was 24 years old at the time.  Fast forward 19 years later and I'm still that same person.  I'm considerate and I like to pay things forward.  I'd like to think of myself that way.

Well, now I have two weeks off to truly disengage, enjoy my vacation and just find "me" time.  Do me, find out what makes ME happy and continue my soul search.  To start off, yesterday I did tennis lessons and took advantage of a membership and lesson sale.  I realized over the years, I took lessons with some 6 coaches, all with different techniques.  Who's going to be the one to bring out the best in me?  The coach I had yesterday showed me a few things and just like that, I picked it up.  Did he find out what my strength was?  It was fun and relaxing.  After the lesson, I went to get my nails done with Rena, who my personal trainer referred me too, a couple years ago.  I liked her from the first time I met.  There's a reason I keep going back to her.  I think we both connected and she does a fantastic job.  Sometimes I like to go to the nail salons and just absorb the quiet time.  Other times, I go just to talk and maybe get wisdomly advice.  She was that wisdom I was looking for.  I ended the beautiful sunshine day by kayaking with my daughter.  What did I learn from the session?  Well, I learned that Alyssa likes to take control and have fun...She hates that I'm serious all the time (because I'm scared of her falling in the water --the girl is fearless).  She says, "don't you want me to have fun" and I tell her, "Why are you always teasing me."  She definitely did not get the sillyness from me.  We had a great time, and I learned that there is give and take and eventually we can paddle in the same direction to move forward.

Today, is just therapeutic day meeting with old friends from my greeting card ministry for lunch.  I really missed the group.  I continue my soul searching. It may seem like I seek out so much answers, but truth be told, I'm seeking inspiration.  In the end, I determine my answer and the course of action *I* want to take. 

I now end my staycation day ubering Alyssa to soccer practice. I would say not so much staycation with dishes, laundry and driving to LOL. I suppose, depending, you do that on vacation as well. 

The soul searching continues tomorrow... So far the wisdom I received in two days was... "Do Bo and find something you will fit into."  That's right, there's no need to try and fit into something that will never be Bo.  Not worth the work, frustration, and exhaustion.