I want to begin this blog by saying, the I've not always been religious, nor have I been spiritual. You could say I was reborn.
In 2014, I lost my mother -- my only confidant and best friend. Dealing with her death was hard. I was also going through a lot with my family and job. I was a cradled catholic but I was not understanding what part it played in my life. I tried going to church every Sunday in Beligum, I couldn't understand a thing -- I was in a large Cathedral, with non-American speakers with accents reading from the bible. I didn't get my food through church.
I moved back to Florida in 2008 after my tour in Belgium. Things got bad. I lost my way with the Lord, I focused only on my daughter and maybe my job. Suddenly, reality hit me when I lost my mom in 2014.
I made the drastic decision to go to Baghdad so that my family can stay in Florida. I must have seen death's ugly face because this was when my spiritual growth happened. I must have known that at any time, my life was danger, I knew where was home was. My heavenly home.
There was not much to do in Baghdad. You're confined to the compound. So I spent time (not as a monk nor as a hunk as in the GYM) but I did bible study, fellowship time and I guess spiritual development time.
One breakthrough, one evening, I was at bible study (women's study) and I broke out crying. The topic was about Jesus and Love. Then I realize that my MOM was love -- the unconditional love I had in my entire life. They say "blood is thicker than water." This is true of course, she was my "flesh and blood mother."
So, thankfully, if it wasn't for my mother's death which was of course, untimely. I don't think I would have grown closer to the lord. Nothing questions our life here on earth until our mortality is tested.
About a month ago, I lost my new cat. He's in a happy home, a family that accepts him. And I'm happy for him. But I feel the same lost and it's hurting right now. I'm angry at the world and I don't understand why I tried getting love from the world. I guess it's part of my spiritual growth too.
I need people and I need love. But not in the same way as I had desired in the past. I guess we have to go through this journey ourselves to realize this.
