My memorabilia box

So in my last blog entry, I talked about how the mind captures everything through the lens called the eyes. We are continually recording, even right now.  This is my 3rd week of medical leave from a recent surgery that limits my movement during the healing process. I told myself that during this time off I would make myself productive and maybe organize my craft room when I am feeling better. So I did. I found many interesting things in box.

1. My diary from 1990.  Wow, my feelings although a bit teenage-ish, is still a part of who I am.  The kind of boys I obsessed about, wishing to have brown hair blond streaks and hazel eyes was also a desire back then. I knew the person who I was, but after all these years, I also realize in my struggle to be someone different (confident, positive) I *am*  coming closer to becoming that person.  The important thing I realized was that acceptance is key. If anyone has studied mindfulness, humans, in general, are naturally harsh on themselves when they try to meditate and find their thoughts wandering. The voice over would say, “gently bring them back.” Point to all of this — accept yourself even with flaws, and you will be more at peace instead of trying to resist it.

2. My skate wear catalog of one of my favorite idols, 1994 Figure skater gold medalist, Oksana Baiul. With winning a Gold medal at age 16, she really inspired me in more ways than one. She has beauty, she has grace, she helped shape my love for classical music.  I wanted to ice skate since 1985.  The fact that I still hang onto that 1995 old catalog means that the desire to achieve what she has (and its passion)  is still dear to me. If anyone kept up with her life they would know that winning a medal at a young age and getting famous overnight had its price. 

3. Alyssa’s artwork from preschool. I love how she saw her parents at a young age and how happy and positive she was. I hang onto many artwork that I adore. I have gone back and threw out a lot but I really love to see how she viewed the world at that age: The people who shaped like triangles. Mommy had black hair, daddy had green hair lol. There is a butterfly over our heads. It appears mom might have a baby inside her belly. 

Well memories are always good once in a while. Going there is like going in a virtual time machine and being in that space and time.  I guess that is why sometimes they are so hard to let go. 

A pregnancy journal given to me by my colleagues.  She didn't
get my full lips and hair. But she did inherit Jason's wit and
self-confidence.

Your Eyes is the Record

I did not grow up in the age where I was affected by CyberBullying but just because bullying didn’t exist in electronic record form does not mean one has forgotten it.

The other day I saw a YT clip predicting that a computer in the future would exceed human capabilities. Maybe depending on what you are looking for.  What is also true is the human mind has and will continuously record life through its eyes as long as it is alive. Everything we come into contact with never disappears rather gets stored away in this amazing brain that God has created. A machine can never be as "smart" or match human intelligence. A machine has limited storage but the human brain never forgets.  Everything we learned may be forgotten but is never really gone from our existence (psychical and spiritual) and becomes who we are.

I still remember the exact day, not to an actual day on the Gregorian calendar but all senses that I felt that day when a boy in the 6th grade has bullied me because of my “differences.”  We were outside standing in line and it was a sunny and clear day.  I don’t know what prompted him to say this but it really had an impact so much that this human recording Is one that can be recalled with such great detail because it is connected to my identity. So here is the clip:  Skinny and cute boy with red orange hair made fun of my birth name - Kaseeraht.  He called it “kiss a rat.” Is that funny? You may laugh at it now? Did it humiliate me? Apparently at the time it did, otherwise I wouldn’t have remembered it.  I thank God that fortunately I grew up with the identity Bo because that is Thai culture. The fact that bullying did exist and was not recorded on a computer to broadcast doesn’t make it go away.

I used to be crazy about making sure I took every picture there was and forgot to live in the moment. Now, I not only let my memories go, I delete it because it has come to a point where it is not only impossible to keep up, but the motive why??

I think back to God’s scripture that one day earth and heaven will pass away but God’s word will never pass away.  Pictures, memorabilia’s and records....all that will disappear one from physical existence in the universe one Day. But what the human brain and eyes have seen will never disappear.

To end on a positive note, I also still remember the day I got a compliment from my 6th grade teacher after having stood and read my story in class - he said to me, after I presented, with precise conviction and enthusiasm that “One day, Bo you are going to be a writer.” I may not be a renown author of an adventure story but here I am writing a story and you are reading it.

My Birthday Blog

I never used to make a big deal out of my birthday and I like to stay out of the spotlight...But something is calling me to blog today.  So here I am.

I cannot believe I am 43. I think about the age I was, when I dated  man who was 20 years older than me. Thanks to this thing called the internet. We do things we never thought would be possible. Besides the point, today marks the day that I am in 7 years, eligible for federal government retirement in the Foreign Service.  And on top of that, I get up at the wee hours of the morning to chat with two dear friends that I missed.. Both of them sending me an important message that I must listened to.

The message I've received is this..I think I know God is leading me to path where I'm supposed to be. I just have to trust. I'm to lead the next generation of leaders in our workforce today, and that are the millennials.  I just read an article about the characteristics of milennials and it all made sense to me because I have a few of them who work for me -- and the part about diversity and flexible scheduling makes sense!! But I think I can bring out the best in them.

Does this mean my next steps is school, the new soulcore exercise movement or does it mean moving again? Only the future will tell but at least I'm coming closer.  I just have to be still, and know He has it written out for me.