Friends and Comparison

As I was growing up, I often wondered why I didn't have friends who were my age.  Actually, it seemed more so starting in college, when I got along better with older people.  My girlfriends were on average 7-10 years older.  Why couldn't I get along with someone my age?

Then I think back to my first friends I made as a child. My first friend was a boy in kindergarten who taught me how to tie my shoes in school. It was my early social interactions and I felt accepted by him.  Then, first grade Catholic school, was my first best friend Melanie. She left after the first grade, and I felt abandoned.  I thought I never find a best friend again.  I was always shy and making friends didn't come easy.  Moving around different cities in Montgomery County with little stability didn't help either.

I came to the conclusion that maybe I never felt like I fit in with the perfect, popular cool Caucasian girls my age. To me, I thought they were better, and I didn't feel good enough.  The other friends who I did find and were my age, was Christine who was Chinese, who I met in 10th grade and of course, my Thai cousin who lived in the USA since she was 12-16 years old.  These friendships were short-lived.  Other than that, I never had a stable friend who was exactly or around my age.

When I got my first government job, I was working with a loving group of minorities who saw me as their child, not as their competition. It was one working environment I dream of being in again, because I felt loved and I felt the people there were genuine.  Thinking back how I could not relate to younger people or people my age, I think it wasn't them.  I think it was me.

The law of attraction says that we attract reality to us.  If we see the glass half empty, it will be empty. If we think something bad is going to happen, we tend to fulfill our prophecy.  So I thought I could not get along with a girl my age because in my mind, she intimidated me and I might have intimidated her.  Maybe I was different, physically, and maturity wise.  As I read these questions on Quora, I realize that many people who felt like me, just didn't have a knack for making friends.

My first best online pal from AOL was 10 years older.  We wrote almost everyday for many months and we felt a connection.  We both like Star Trek the Next Generation.  I had several snail mail penpals, and my best one is Asian American and we were more like diary-mates.  We still keep in touch and met each several times over the course of our lives.

Today, my best friend is also older.  I think I am drawn to people who are genuine, loving and compassionate or accepting toward me.  Not someone competing against me, which I perceive to be the case.  So all you who are 43 and under... what are your comments? Do you believe in my theory of "attraction" or was I to you, someone hard to get to know?

Friends are not there for competition.  We as humans, cannot help comparing ourselves, but that is probably the underlying cause. It's the ego's fallacy telling us "I have to be better than my friend. That's the only way I can feel better about myself."  It's about how we fit in the world as we relate to one another.  So I can end now with as many cliches I can think of, when it comes to friends.

"With friends like that, who needs enemies."

"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer."

"In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend."

"A friend in need, is a friend indeed."

"That's what friends are for."

"I'll be there for you." 

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller

A difficult Subject

I completed my first practice speech on Moralistic Therapeutic Deism at yesterday's toastmasters.  I researched it for a while and finally was able to write the speech.  I practiced it over the weekend, and I knew what I had to do, to make it convincing.  In the end, how did my speech go?  I definitely improved in many areas - I varied my tone of voice. I didn't use my notes verbatim.  I made eye contact with the audience and I even walked the floor. I used body language.  These are things I had to do!!  In the end, when it came to judgement, my speech did not win any prize.  Not even "most improved."  The person who who won both first place and most improved, dressed up as Charlie Chaplin and had a big smile on his face.

This is to say, that my speech was not worse.  I believed I had more content.  My subject was about God. Who likes the subject?  Not the majority of my audience apparently.  Did he do a better job with delivery? His speech was about using visual aids, which he did great.  However 4 of those 7 minutes was spent showing his work on YouTube as Charlie Chaplin. Everyone loved his gear.  Furthermore, he couldn't get his laptop to work.  But he had a smile on his face..AND the topic was not about God.

We were both unprepared?  Absolutely. He spent 15-20 min fixing a problem to get his laptop to work.  I did not memorize my speech and actually apologized at the beginning by trying to use the word "acumen" to help add count to the word of the day. I was very nervous, my mouth was dry and so I missed many points I wanted to tell the audience because I wasn't fully prepared.  In the end though, I think I delivered what I felt God wanted me to deliver.  Maybe my writing was just a guideline.

Point of being -- I myself grew up as one of the MTD - Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.  I went to church, I did the motions, but I did not have a relationship with the Lord. I thought He was someone in heaven watching me from above. I didn't see God in other people.  I went to a church in Belgium..one of those that look like Notre Dame.  The walls echoed. The readers and the priest did not articulate well to me.  I felt like I wasn't being fed. Then I left the Catholic church.  Fast forward some ten years later, after joining other Christians, diving deeper into the bible and fellowship, I've come to learn of God as the trinity.  He lives in all of us.  Our brethren has the spirit of God in him. Jesus says, "whatever you do to the least... you do it for me."  In the Catholic Church, I felt judged. And I judged. One time I visited a church outside my home as a little girl.  The priest (I believe) maybe he was a Eucharistic minister was giving me communion. He looked at me strangely like someone he never saw before.  It is one look I will never forget.

I was in my own church and I did not feel authenticity from the people among me. It made me question, who are these "spiritual" people? They look no different than the people at the gym or outside the church. 

Lessons learned:  Everyone's spiritual level will always be different. I became a better Christian through relationship with His people, His followers by deeply delving into the bible.  Sure, the Eucharist is among the most important thing of the Catholic Church.  But so is the word and living the gospel daily, not just going to church weekly. Its simply not enough.  And I hope that the future of our faith will not turn into a water-down version of Christianity as Damon Link says author of "Theology has its Consequences."  We need to act now.  It's a difficult subject, but an important one.

The Great Escape

It's my first trip back home to Florida, since I relocated to Washington D.C.  Upon landing, I almost felt like I was in a foreign land.  And before I knew it, I felt at home again.

Alyssa and I got the chance to experience one of her favorite things to do since her discovery last Christmas, the escape rooms.  As a parent, you learned to do what your child does, even though you yourself, have no desire in such activities!  Hey, isn't that sacrifice?!?!  We did have fun, but solving problems and puzzles, are not my thing.  As it turns out, the level of difficulty as well as rating, was probably not as appropriate as I imagine, especially for children under 13.  Nevertheless, it was a valuable learning experience and was definitely not for nothing.

Lessons Learned

1).  Use your resources wisely, and you can maximize your time.
2).  Name-calling and screaming can be detrimental to achieving the goal, that is to survive.
3).  The team member must obey authority.  Example: In this case, Alyssa has great mathematical and puzzle solving skills.  But to divide and conquer as she and the "over-head" voice said to do, I believe we didn't fully tap into our gifts to make the most of the situation.  She did not listen to her mother to solve the puzzle first and, as it turns out, the puzzles were not even all there.  We had to unlock more keys to get the remaining pieces.  Yes, by 30 min., I was thoroughly frustrated.  Sorry honey, I really didn't mean to scream at you. 

Result =  We almost made it.  Now I said almost, because we opened the tunnel and was in the last room, which was quite dark and quite scary.  The wind grew louder, I actually screamed for the staff to turn off the eerie sounds..Too close to reality.  The sound of the wind, the cobwebs, and the whispering voices grew louder and louder.  Within seconds, Bo and Alyssa ran back to the front of the room, as we could not go forward with the fear and pressure in a dark room.

I can't say I was proud.  But upon reading reviews on Trip Advisor, I felt so much better when a team  of nine could not escape either. LOL, God says don't compare!  And I shouldn't.  But I needed to know how bad we did.  Turns out we were part of the 90% that didn't escape.  What a relief.

April 19, 2019, the Lost Tomb of Monthu

The great american escape room 

AND the one in Ontario..Much more fun!  Time Machine..Yes, we completed it.

Kid friendly and the hosts added ten minutes to our time.

December 30, 2018

http://www.ptboescape.com/

The Ego vs. ID

“You don’t serve me anymore, therefore I don’t need you.” Do we really live such egocentric lives? Is it always “about us.” Let’s dig into this a little further.

Several weeks ago I spoke with a wise Father. I did not know him. But I believed him. You could say I saw through his exterior all the way to his interior. He mentioned to me some very important elements I would not forget. He told me that he was not a PHD in psychology but considers himself a soul doctor. He told me that what differentiates us between animals is that we have the conscience to chooose what is right and wrong — we don’t let our animal instincts guide our behavior. He said that people walk around wearing masks and that beauty was skin deep. Most importantly he told me that no one on earth, even the most perfect and Godliest of all Godly people is not perfect.

Back to the science of “it’s about me.” If we go by our automatic egocentric behavior, we revert into living creatures without a soul. Or if I use the term “animal” (i.e., he is an animal) in this context, it is negative. Why?? Because we know that animals in general don’t have a conscience and though they live and survive based on the ID, they are not trusting God for their survival. Please comment if you would like to defend for your furry friend here. Some dogs appear to have egos!!

When we turn to God, we let go of serving our egos and pride and do the “right thing.” We May have to suffer as a result, but at this point our interest is no longer in us, but in the other person we are sacrificing for.  That is love.

I often confuse the meaning of love with behavior that serves me. I confuse love with excited feelings that make me want to procreate. This is what the media teaches us. Love is a physical passion, and emotion. 

Actually, love is not that. So this Father tells me that love is not actually an emotion. He gave me a prime example. He said love is Jesus dying on the cross for us. Think about it. Even most movies I saw depicted Jesus is a very kind, calm but not “emotional” or zealous to say the least.

Here, I conclude with this piece from the below website. “The soul desire is the integral part of oneself that wants to be in touch with their highest purpose. This is the desire which feeds your spiritual center and provides you with a contentedness, as well as a sense of fulfillment that is pervasive and permanent.”

So let us deny ourselves and our ego, in pursuit of our higher self — the soul.  I will be praying about it.

Reference 

http://insightfulinnovations.com/zykrblog/ego-versus-soul-desire

Self Actualization

Years and years ago, I heard of a book titled “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” I don’t know why it has been on my reading list for the longest time, yet I failed to read it (listen) until now. Maybe I knew subconsciously I wasn’t ready for it.

Then life happened. I grew up. Emotionally. I gained wisdom. I knew what frustration was about. I knew why I blamed people. I knew why my partner blamed me. I knew why I was jealous and angry...and the answer is fear.

It isn’t surprising that the answer I found in the book was something I had figured out in the past year, if not past several months.  Why did I hang onto fear? Because I just wasn’t ready to take full responsibility. I wanted to stay the victim. Self-comforting felt good. That was relying on myself to provide comfort because I feared, no one will.

When I listen to older people during my youthful days say, “I wish I had the knowledge now and go back in time”’or something along those lines, NOW I know what they meant. Sometimes you can have the answers handed to you. Self-Actualization happens through your own life experiences. Maybe you won’t believe it now, but try reading this post maybe in a year, or two.

I look at my daughter now and think to myself, I need to teach her these things so she won’t repeat my mistakes. It is not what this is about. I am protecting her from the ugly truth. Doesn’t matter what I do, life will teach her. Her personality, influences and what God gave her was already different from me to begin with. 

I truly want to share with the youth, my knowledge. Maybe now you can take that knowledge and reshape the future somehow. The world is always changing in relation to the now, so I trust you will.

Here are some quotes from the book, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. Enjoy!!

“Replace the inner chatter box with a loving voice.”

“Don’t blame outside forces.”

“Trust that you will always have what you need.”

“If all your giving is about getting, you will be fearful.”

“When we let someone be who they are without trying to change them, that is giving away love.”

“When we let go and let them learn and grow without us, we are giving away love.”

Self-actualization is getting in touch with our higher self.

Third Week - Washington DC

It's my third week in DC and I'm slowly, but surely setting in.  Even by myself, sometimes I feel like there is not enough hours in the day to do what I want.  I am blessed to have this quiet time to contemplate and really soul-search.

So what I am searching for? Meaning and purpose in life. Finding a positive way to belong in society besides just making money.  Reconnecting to my past and how I can let go of the pain I hung on to for a long time, thinking it defined who I am.

I am a woman, I am Asian, I'm a mother...I'm a Catholic.  I am petite. I have straight, black hair. I am aging. I am 142 lbs. And I want to love all of myself, so much more than I have in the past. And this doesn't mean, putting other people down to make myself feel better. It means, accepting the gifts that God gave me, and knowing that he chose me to carry out his great commission.

It's not easy representing him...and the U.S. Embassy at the same time.  But with great responsibilities, I have to take sensitivity in how I say things and how they may be perceived.  I have to have God's view and how He sees others.  Not how I see others.  It's hard, I just hope that at the end of the day, I did what was pleasing to Him.

I got the chance to be part of a new affinity group at my job called GRACE - Government Recognizing All Christian Employees.  GRACE is more than a group just for Christians.  It is a group that fosters expression of religious freedom whatever they may be. It is a gentle invitation to nonbelievers, inviting them into our world, to let them see our mission, what we do and why it's important. 

Besides these opportunity, I have the opportunity to improve lives of employees that come into our organization - strengthening the workforce, recruiting and outreach.  I've always believed that I am reaching out to people, inviting them into the love of Christ.  What can be more appropriate than a job who's core IS outreach.

For now, I'm blessed and I can't wait to see what else He has planned for me.

Death, in more ways than one

Today I visited my mom's grave site.  I haven't been here since winter of 2015.  I felt more at peace here than before. It made me think about what death is and why humans in general, are afraid of it. It's the end of something that once existed.

Death, of a loved one, can be devastating.  Death of love that once existed between husband and wife can be devastating.  Why is it that we evade it so much.  This is a mystery in itself.  Because it is one thing in life that is certain, whereas everything else is not.

You never can measure the love that your family or your friends have for you.  Or how much happiness money can bring you.  We all work hard in life for ideals and things we believe are success.

But since death is viewed as sadness, tragedy, and ending, what then, is the purpose of life.  I guess this is one of the questions philosophers have wrestled with since the beginning time.

We are in existence for a purpose, that I believe is sure.  We may not be able to see it with the naked eye, but it is the basic common belief of all living things.  Good...bad... pain...pleasure.  Animals have basic needs to be loved and comforted, as do humans.  Being alive means being in communion with other living beings.  Death is something we try to not to think about. Because one day, it will come.  We don't know when.  And death separates us from life...from togetherness.

How can die to self? I have been hearing this message in more ways than one this lenten period. Dying to self is putting our life, hope, fears and failures to the one who never dies - Father of creation. He is the beginning and the end.  He never dies, and he holds the secret to eternal life.

I've relied on myself to survive thus far.  Now it's time I die to self and rely on God the Father, so that I may die from old ways of thinking, from fear, from anything that separates me from His love. 

Lord take the helm.