As I was growing up, I often wondered why I didn't have friends who were my age. Actually, it seemed more so starting in college, when I got along better with older people. My girlfriends were on average 7-10 years older. Why couldn't I get along with someone my age?
Then I think back to my first friends I made as a child. My first friend was a boy in kindergarten who taught me how to tie my shoes in school. It was my early social interactions and I felt accepted by him. Then, first grade Catholic school, was my first best friend Melanie. She left after the first grade, and I felt abandoned. I thought I never find a best friend again. I was always shy and making friends didn't come easy. Moving around different cities in Montgomery County with little stability didn't help either.
I came to the conclusion that maybe I never felt like I fit in with the perfect, popular cool Caucasian girls my age. To me, I thought they were better, and I didn't feel good enough. The other friends who I did find and were my age, was Christine who was Chinese, who I met in 10th grade and of course, my Thai cousin who lived in the USA since she was 12-16 years old. These friendships were short-lived. Other than that, I never had a stable friend who was exactly or around my age.
When I got my first government job, I was working with a loving group of minorities who saw me as their child, not as their competition. It was one working environment I dream of being in again, because I felt loved and I felt the people there were genuine. Thinking back how I could not relate to younger people or people my age, I think it wasn't them. I think it was me.
The law of attraction says that we attract reality to us. If we see the glass half empty, it will be empty. If we think something bad is going to happen, we tend to fulfill our prophecy. So I thought I could not get along with a girl my age because in my mind, she intimidated me and I might have intimidated her. Maybe I was different, physically, and maturity wise. As I read these questions on Quora, I realize that many people who felt like me, just didn't have a knack for making friends.
My first best online pal from AOL was 10 years older. We wrote almost everyday for many months and we felt a connection. We both like Star Trek the Next Generation. I had several snail mail penpals, and my best one is Asian American and we were more like diary-mates. We still keep in touch and met each several times over the course of our lives.
Today, my best friend is also older. I think I am drawn to people who are genuine, loving and compassionate or accepting toward me. Not someone competing against me, which I perceive to be the case. So all you who are 43 and under... what are your comments? Do you believe in my theory of "attraction" or was I to you, someone hard to get to know?
Friends are not there for competition. We as humans, cannot help comparing ourselves, but that is probably the underlying cause. It's the ego's fallacy telling us "I have to be better than my friend. That's the only way I can feel better about myself." It's about how we fit in the world as we relate to one another. So I can end now with as many cliches I can think of, when it comes to friends.
"With friends like that, who needs enemies."
"Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer."
"In order to have a friend, you have to be a friend."
"A friend in need, is a friend indeed."
"That's what friends are for."
"I'll be there for you."
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller
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