A Look Back at 2023

2023 has been good to me. I lead SoulCore classes, I discovered what I wanted to do after Dept of State, and I worked on loving myself more. 

I had a wonderful counselor who was supportive of my journey and empathic at the same time. Sometimes having someone who gets you makes all the difference in the world. I am grateful my prayers have been answered. I’m grateful for the support groups to help me in my journey as well. I find that I do well with likeminded people and appreciate the support.

Every year people vow to lose weight. This year, I want to be grateful for my blessings. Being happier will help me to make better choices. The fact that I worked hard (maybe not smarter) to lose weight each time tells me that it doesn’t have to be difficult to attain a goal or even sharpening the saw (maintaining once goal is achieved). I also have a predisposition to be heavier. I need to love myself now, not when I am at my ideal weight.

So to end on a positive note, I’ve come a long way. I don’t need to be jealous of another’s gift when God has given me my own gifts. I am blessed for the things he has brought into my life this year to comfort me, and for providing what I need according to His timeline. Amen. 

December Reflections

 It's December, the most busiest time of the year (well sorta).  We are getting ready to shop, bake, get ready for Holiday parties, and travel to see our loved ones.  Sure it can get busy. Work is winding down, getting slower as we prepare for new objectives for the new year.

It's 3:19 AM and low and behold, I'm met by my fur-friend, Mittens. He loves me after all. I know I'm #3 on his list most of the time, LOL.

It's that time of year to reflect on this past year and set intentions for next year. 2023 has been a pretty good year. At the beginning of the year, I had high hopes of better managing projects and balance work life. I joined weight watchers support group again, continued Bible Study Fellowship online, and ran the SoulCore ministry.  I think next year will be more streamlined. I really know the art of juggling a lot but not mastering anything. I think I want to master the art of "gratitude." They say this is the most effective way to be happy and in a grateful mode daily.  Second, I want to spend more quiet time with the Lord, via adoration. I've been invited to be a key player in the Magnificat women's ministry. This must be a sign of great things to come. Last but not least, I want to eat healthier. I know my emotional eating has been an unending battle to fill a void, along with impulsive spending. It's the same story.

I'm grateful for my counselor, Jenny. Who gave me such great ideas to re-read my childhood journals and to write a letter to my younger self. This is part of my healing process. I'm grateful for the techniques she has taught me on boosting my self-confidence.  I'm grateful for the many work employee support groups I can join, including the Adolescent support group, and the Perfectly Imperfect group.  These are all initiatives to heal and challenge my inner critic.  Oh, and outward, nagging, annoying guilt-inducing, motherly critic LOL.

I hope and pray to stay focused on what matters and really not to sweat the small stuff. Driving these days can be a stressful thing for me. I just won't allow myself to let these non-drivers get to me. It's not worth my stress. Other offenses that come along the way. Well, all I can say is that I need to not fall to the bait of Satan. He wants us to be offended. He wants us to be miserable; and I can't allow it. Listening to lies has been my downfall.

That is it. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Spiritual Growth

 I want to begin this blog by saying, the I've not always been religious, nor have I been spiritual.  You could say I was reborn.  

In 2014, I lost my mother -- my only confidant and best friend. Dealing with her death was hard. I was also going through a lot with my family and job. I was a cradled catholic but I was not understanding what part it played in my life. I tried going to church every Sunday in Beligum, I couldn't understand a thing -- I was in a large Cathedral, with non-American speakers with accents reading from the bible. I didn't get my food through church.

I moved back to Florida in 2008 after my tour in Belgium. Things got bad. I lost my way with the Lord, I focused only on my daughter and maybe my job. Suddenly, reality hit me when I lost my mom in 2014. 

I made the drastic decision to go to Baghdad so that my family can stay in Florida. I must have seen death's ugly face because this was when my spiritual growth happened. I must have known that at any time, my life was danger, I knew where was home was. My heavenly home.

There was not much to do in Baghdad. You're confined to the compound.  So I spent time (not as a monk nor as a hunk as in the GYM) but I did bible study, fellowship time and I guess spiritual development time.  

One breakthrough, one evening, I was at bible study (women's study) and I broke out crying.  The topic was about Jesus and Love.  Then I realize that my MOM was love -- the unconditional love I had in my entire life. They say "blood is thicker than water." This is true of course, she was my "flesh and blood mother."  

So, thankfully, if it wasn't for my mother's death which was of course, untimely.  I don't think I would have grown closer to the lord.  Nothing questions our life here on earth until our mortality is tested.

About a month ago, I lost my new cat. He's in a happy home, a family that accepts him.  And I'm happy for him. But I feel the same lost and it's hurting right now.  I'm angry at the world and I don't understand why I tried getting love from the world.  I guess it's part of my spiritual growth too.

I need people and I need love.  But not in the same way as I had desired in the past. I guess we have to go through this journey ourselves to realize this.

SoulCore Ministry

 Many of you who know me, knows that I enjoy writing. I like to tell a story with my words. I wouldn't say communication is my strongest suit, but I have a gift with telling a story, paired with the ability to express myself artistically.

Today is September 20, 2023 and I can say that 9 months since my last entry of January flew by real fast. 2023 has been good to me for the most part. I was able to start and maintain my ministry of SoulCore at the church now, going on it's second year. It was rough. But I thank God for mentorship and the Holy Spirit to stay strong. I know that throughout life, what I thought was failure was actually a bridge to getting closer to success. My internal dialogue was not of that of a compassionate or best friend. I beat up my self way too much.  And it's not my fault. Nor can I lay it on society.  I grew up around many well-meaning people who are trying to teach me, whether it was with words of love, or words of criticism.  

On Sunday, I went to church as usual with the choir and remembered that I had volunteer to join Harvest Ministry to help recruit members for the Passion Play. I went on over and low and behold, a friendly face says, "Bo you have a table." I was surprised, "Me, you talkin to me." LOL.  Indeed. I did not consider SoulCore a true ministry really. Over the years at Saint Bonaventure, I participated in many ministries. You can say, I was following the voice of the Holy Spirit. Or maybe, it was Bo's internal voice saying, I like helping out. This is one way of me fitting in.  Happy to say, I feel like I finally belong.

I'm not going to turn this blog into a therapy session of my past, but I just wanted to let you all know, that I am happy with the progress I've made in this thing called Journey of Life. 

I'm not saying that being a people pleaser is bad; I'm not saying that trying to find love is bad; But I do want to believe the truth and that my friends, is what we all seek.  May God bless you.

A Weight Loss Confession

Since I was a child, weight has not been an issue for me.  I was always a skinny child.  Growing up, my aunts and uncles would show me pictures of kids starving in Africa in an attempt to get me to eat.

Fast forward to my teen years when my self-image started developing. I started gaining weight and by high school, was highly self-conscious of my body.

Then I got into my early 20s, where I started making my own journal of self-improvement (today called the bullet journal). I wanted to be/do so many things. Top on that list was weight loss and self-care.  By 23 years of age, I had weighed an unhealthy 136 lbs and seen even my family members who've had weight struggles their entire life "grow thin" before my eyes.

My first tour in Ottawa at age 24, 2001 was when I successfully lost 24-25 lbs and was an Extra Small (XS) size. I had a before/after picture done at Goodlife Fitness but ended up using a different gym. Those who knew me then would have seen the transformation.  I saw a few personal trainers, logged my food and also saw a dietician who taught me how to portion my foods and if I over-ate to cut down on my next meal.  I was able to maintain this weight by the time I got to Paris and was there from 2002 to 2004. I think the key was staying healthy and finding gyms and a person to help me in my journey.  

I met and Married Jason in 2005 where my weight was still OK, not fluctuating too too much. The problem all started again after my pregnancy in 2008. The weight and lack of activity also contributed to the weight gain.

I was assigned to Florida when I decided it was time to take action.  At this time I wasn't entirely overweight but I had an ideal image to follow so I went to the gym again and found a trainer who helped me meet my goals, along with going to Weight Watchers.  By 2012, I was back down to XS again.  

Then came my assignment to Swaziland and after a year into the assignment my weight crept back up. I returned to Florida again after the stint to Swaziland and Baghdad (no success with weight loss too much free food access). I was probably a size Medium/Large I sought training and this time tried Quick Weight Loss.  In three months again I was back down to XS.

Moral of the story -- My weight in life has gone up and down a lot due to the adaption and stressors in my life. Weight loss success stories happened 3 times and I wouldn't say all of them were easy. The Quick Weight Loss was the hardest but I also LOST the most in a short time and gained it all back in about 9 months to a year's time.  I read a story of another gal who logged food, tracked every morsel only to find happiness in being a little heavier, if she could enjoy her foods and time with her family.

Now at age 47, I'm just hoping I have more energy to stay fit and the discipline to not turn to comfort foods for happiness.  Let's face it, as babies, when we cry we are fed.  Food is a solution to stress and discomfort, always has been.  Some people are more luckier and either have lucky genes or don't use food for comfort.

So for those people trying to keep a New Year's resolution, don't lose heart. Weight loss success is easy -- keeping it off (or as they say 7 Habits Author Steven Covey, "Sharpening the Saw") is the hardest. I would say, keep your weight goals realistic and think long term.

Weight Watchers and personal training 2012, 1 year to lose weight, 5’3” size XS

Quick Weight Loss, 3 months from  May 27, 2016 to August 23, 2016, 24 lbs lost, size XS

 Picture of me today, at size XL - Jan 2023