Travels to Greece

This is the first time we returned to Europe in 17 years, for a visit to one of the countries on our bucket list, Greece.  Jason had tried to book a trip to the Santorini islands in 2007 but because my leave was not approved timely, the hotel he wanted was no longer available.  We always tell this story to Alyssa because we I told Jason that because we stayed in Belgium instead of traveling that week, the Lord blessed me with a pregnancy.  She never wants to hear the story LOL.

Well the trip to Greece was for sure a great adventure. This was Alyssa's first return to Europe after leaving Belgium in a little airplane cot.  She loved it more than going on our usual Caribbean cruises and I thought she blended in just fine! 

My thoughts on Greece was that it was a very nice European city with hospitable people.  I know surveying geographics is what I do a lot in a new city, and compared to the European cities I've been to, the city was fairly cleaned. Not dirty, no dog poop to dodge, and the pickpocket situation didn't seem to pose a threat like Rome and Paris.  Oh, and I do like the food. But like most European countries, you can't really find bad food.  I especially like the gyros and souvlaki. I also tried the moussaka for the first time and loved it!

Now, on to the sites. Acropolis was amazing. Of course it was packed, even at opening time. Hello, all the YouTube videos said to avoid the lines, what do you think people did with that? It wasn't too tiring to climb up as there was quite to see along the way.  The other ruins in Greece were OK but I wouldn't pay to enter and see them. You could easily see them as you walked the city.  We did do a sunset tour to Poseidon but the view wasn't as great as I hoped. It was nice, don't get me wrong, but the drones that took the video were able to access them from places that humans could not walk to!  

Our AirBnB was also convenient and accessible to most places. The bed was stiff but I made do, and our host was efficient. His assistant was onsite to help.  I think I would visit Greece again. There is much to see and not enough time.  Santorini was far, so we made it to a closer Island called, Hydra (pronounced ydra or Heedruh).  We rode a horse instead of a mule and got a scenic tour of the roads up the mountain.  Low and behold, we found a restaurant named Roloi, that served loukoumades or deep-fried donuts.  I remember how we saw them all over in Athens but then when we wanted it for dessert, they were no where to be found!! Well it was good, the praline flavored one, not the honey. I went back for seconds the next day.  We didn't get to swim in Hydra although I saw a spot or two that would be good.

We left and made it home, though the tight airport line 1 hour before departure was a close call. The ground staff were helpful in getting us through and the plane actually waited for passengers to come on board. I remember missing  my overnight flight in Germany in 2006 or so. No, if you're not on time, you are out of luck. I think Jason remembered that day because prior to cell phones, there really is no way to track and he had to call the airport to find out where I was. Airport stories you never forget.  

So that's it. Greek in a nutshell...got a few souvenirs including evil eye items, pictures of cats, and a Greek funeral and theatrical mask.  

Retirement Dream

 It’s interesting that my last post was about transition. It seems that just when we mastered the art of transition, we get caught in vortex of fear and anxiety.

This blog entry is about retirement. I have begun having dreams relating to this transition and the most recent one had me telling my daughter how things are changing and to reminding her why they are. I wake up feeling that my exciting of new identities, new careers and new hobbies are actually translating into what I call retirement anxiety. If I were to analyze this, I would say the fear comes from whether I would succeed in my transition.

For those of you who know me for almost 7 years, I have been looking forward to it. Who hasn’t dream of filling a new job passion, waking up when you feel like it, and just enjoying freedom.  Truth is, we are creatures of habit. And as reality sinks in, so does hope, despair and maybe even depression.

Knowing this, we are also resilient. We know we overcame changes in the past and bouncing back is important. So, thanks AI, thanks therapy, and thanks to my community of friends and family. 

Believe in the dream, and persevere. 

Transition

Transition. It makes us all feel uneasy.  We are creatures of habit.  Mammals are creatures of habits.  Some mammals adapt better than others.  Same as plants.  The most flexible plants can stretch and stay alive despite strong winds.

Thinking back to the many times I've had transitions, I have to say I've overcame them all. For better or worse. So there is no stress anymore. No fear.

The most impactful one was when I was in the first grade. My best friend was Melanie and she asked me, "What will I am going to do?" She was moving away. I don't think I had a best friend again for some time. Then, I switched to public schools in the 5th-6th grade. 

I think the worst transition was moving yet once again to catholic school because my mother wanted me to be confirmed.  Stability is not something I knew. I guess God was preparing me for something bigger.  The Foreign Service career.

The worst transition of all was when I was already in my senior year. I've been in two different high schools. Then I was going to a 3rd one when my mom saw how depressed I was, she asked for me to return. 

There were other times, such as the times when I had an opportunity for an art program and I quit. I also quit when I got a part in the play. I ran away from fear. I ran away from feelings of awkwardness.  

I've come a long way and this final transition into life should be a happy one. No stress. No pressure. No one to push or blame me.  I can finally live...and be free. 

A Can of Worms

Me, in 2013 at 38 years of age

 I decided to do a collage of my pictures at every decade for my upcoming 50th birthday in June.  Wow. I had no idea what that would have resulted in as I went to sleep and woke up at the wee hours of November 10.  Only memories a near 50-year old can process. It includes, the 'good, the bad, and the ugly.'

Turns out a had a major self-esteem issue.  I often wondered how my cousin who had a huge impact during my adolescent years played a part in the shaping of my self-esteem. She barely spoke English, but she was the desired one, had more friends/boyfriends I ever had.  In my dream, there were actors, one well-known one (brother/sister) Willy and Kathaleeya Mcintosh. I thought they were the model of perfection. They were both charming and beautiful. I grew up in the 1990s idolizing these folks. They appeared in my dream as the object of my affection and how Willy didn't even pay attention to me. The fact is, there's humor behind this. People, I'm not Thai. I look Thai but I don't even have an ounce of Thai in me. I have a Thai accent when I talk.  If I go to Thailand now, I'll be concerned about covering up so I don't get bit by mosquitos.  This is the punchline of all. Why do I compare myself to Thai people and models. Why do I compare myself at all? 

I am my own person today. And gosh darn it, I am loved for it.  We are all different human beings with diverse culture, background and memories. And though I lacked what I considered, "love and attention" by the world's ideals, I am loved by the one who matters.

You Say, Lauren Daigle

Lyrics

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up

Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity
Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe

Taking all I have, and now I'm laying it at Your feet
You have every failure, God, You have every victory
Ooh-oh

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

Oh, I believe (I)
Yes, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)

I believe 

Connecting Online and Offline

I guess after attending church today, I felt the need to express our human need to connect with another.  It's interesting that no matter what, people both introverts and extroverts will have a need to connect with other humans. This is not only a gene for survival but it's also the basics of church and many other religious teachings.  

I found that back in 1990, it was easier for me, a shy person to connect with others online. I felt like I was being evaluated on my social skills (blunder rather) or even how I looked.  The downside was that I did encounter people who lied because it's easy to deceive who you are when you are online. Nothing terrible, thank God.  

We connect more with one another in person and this will not change. Sure, we can develop life long marriages from online relationships but the success can depend on personality, trust, and values.  I've learned very early on that 55% of communication is nonverbal. This means, there is so much more missing from online communications and as one source said, online is fun but is shallow.  

God put us together to relate, and we don't always relate successfully. But we can learn better communication skills, avoid assumptions, presumptions, and other barriers such as fear to expressing oneself, assertively.  Establishing those healthy boundaries is key 

Organizing and Preparing for Change

 Making Sense of Chaos. That's what our minds do naturally, to provide a sense of security and safety.  

One recurring dream I've had lately is packing and vacating a hotel room. I had only travel two weeks ago, nearly. I know what this entails. It means, preparing for what I need and ensuring that when I leave my temporary lodging place, that I DON'T forget anything.  Being a seasoned traveler, I left things like hair brushes and chargers and those can be costly.

The day before, I was reading a magazine on organizing and de-cluttering. This was no accident. It manifested in my dream in the form of being orderly. We carry so many things in our life which we think we need, causing us more grief sometimes because we don't know where we put things, and we are drowned in the stuff we own.

In my dream, I was carefully organizing and sorting things by likes and likes. This makes me work and move faster. I was ensuring I didn't leave anything behind. When I found things I had been given, I was angry I waited until the last day to pack this because now I have to think about it.

As a seasoned traveler, one thing you don't want is to leave stuff until the last minute which adds stress, extra time, and chaos to your travel day. An example: I may need makeup and toiletries the day I leave my home, but I actually have spares so I can pack those things the night before.

Also, we sometimes buy more than we can bring. This leaves me with bags and bags of stuff and who wants to travel holding extra bags? Packing everything and keeping what you need, light, is key. You've seen those people with 5 purses I'm sure. So it can be frustrating to have more than you can handle.

In the end, it seems we leave with our spirits and everything physical is left behind. For sure, I'm ready for change, whatever this recurring means. Finding a new job. Leaving legacy behind (photos/memories/recipes). It's just time to let go. 

I Revel at 3 Physical and Spiritual Needs

Good Morning,

May 26, 2024.  Captain's Log, supplemental.  I just got back from my trip to Canada. My mother-in-law passed away after we learned about her terminal illness during Christmas.  It's been a rough week.  However, while encountering stress and hardship during these times, I was able to get away, recharge and recuperate.  During this period, three things came to me (three revels I call it) in the signs that life throws my way so I must pay attention.

Revel #1.  About two years ago, a speaker came to a women's conference workshop at one of my friend's church. My friend invited me to that workshop.  During the workshop, there were books mentioned that were on the reading list. One of them, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, was on there.  Two years later, I quickly stashed that book into my luggage hoping to steal some time and read it.  Wow, was that the best thing that happened especially how my family has encountered rough times.  

The funeral service for my mother-in-law was beautiful. From the music playing, to the readings and my daughter's speech, the service could not have been a better celebration.  The responsorial psalm she had chosen before she passed away was Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not Want."

I so far, had read three chapters, and the most important take away so far was that the life of a flock of sheep is like that of God's people who live our lives with the master looking and caring for us.  The author of the book, is an actual shepherd for a flock of sheep (ewes, female sheep).  While reading this book, the author likens our spiritual life to that of how a flock operates and very much so, in a similar way.  He uses words that really are geared for livestock and domesticated sheep but at the same time, relates to the lives of God's people and behavior in a group.  For example, there may be one sheep that is domineering and want to be top "sheep." Or, a sheep that goes astray, causing other sheep to follow.

My favorite one is the term he used to describe when an outside threat, such as a wolf or coyote tries to come and disturb the flock.  The term he used was "molest." I'm like... WHAT?  Often, we associate that word with modern day offense, such sexual assault on a child. But in fact, in this context, it means to persistently annoy or disturb. Can you imagine if we can use this in our daily lives. Who am I persistently annoying and how is this affecting my relationship?  The other term he used was in order to make a sheep lie down in green pastures, the livestock must be healthy and free from pestilence such as insects, flies and ticks.  Well what do you know. I'm not crazy after all from lathering myself up with bug spray before heading out in the tropics! 

Revel #2

During this trip, I ran into two visions and signs that came my way.  It made me aware of some things and maybe it is perchance, or maybe it was predestined that I got this message.  On this trip, I brought with me a magazine on organizing and de-cluttering unimportant stuff in your life. Organization has been a interesting topic because it deals with how we manage the physical elements around us that come into our lives.  Well, the magazine starts by describing a few types of organizers. The sentimental one, the visual one (needs to see everything out in plain site) or the tidy one.

As I returned from my trip to the cottage, my husband had to stop at the funeral home to pick up documentation. I of course, after an hour in the car, had to use the bathroom. I quickly rushed in and was directed to their restrooms. I walked in and never in my life thus far, have I scene a restroom so immaculately peaceful, inviting, clean in my life. I felt a sense of peace in this space. I couldn't help but think as I walked out. Wow.  How is it that I had that feeling when all my life, I avoided public restrooms for the fact that it is chaotic and anything but peaceful.  The answer? A feeling of peace and calm.  Perhaps the funeral home was inviting to all guests who feel overwhelmed, chaotic, and in turmoil in their inner soul and to be welcomed by a clean and peaceful place where they can wash away their stress in their physical bodies and physical lives can bring a bit of serenity.

The message then was repeated to me again, when I visited a friend's house and again, I sensed a peace of calm and tranquility. I wondered to myself, how can this person have no piece of clutter in site? Having a space free of disorder is comforting.

Revel #3

This trip was very much last minute as we did not know when we would be traveling. But I packed my bags in less than a week's notice and prepared according to the weather and where we would be going. As I marvel in this trip, I realized this mimics a lot of my life.  The organization that I so strive for, in order to enjoy the larger things in life, so that I'm not running around frantically trying to look for something, to invite peace and security into my life.  I bought a couple of spare clothes that I might need. I brought just enough. And if I didn't bring enough, I was able to get access to a place that provided me what I needed.

When it was a sweater for a cold weather, medicine for my sinuses, or even having spare clothes in case of stains or spills, I was prepared. Because life is unpredictable. You just don't know what you are going to need and when you are going to need it. We carry around so much in our lives with this debilitating fear and end up storing so much stuff we might need one day. Let go and let God.  He is our shepherd, he knows what we need.

I guess sometimes we just have to make the best of it and the rest .. follow with our eyes closed.