One month Post Chemo

Well, one month and a few days past Alyssa’s last chemo. She also had her 3 month CT and MRI scans and she is all clear!  Still, her port has to remain in for a few more months as advised by her doctor’s just in case. Yesterday we went to the doctor’s office to do a port flush to make sure it doesn’t clog or stop working during inactivity.

She is doing overall fine. She is keeping up with her classes via Zoom without having to work with the coach offered by the school. Everyday at lunch, she chats with her friend from school and sees her on weekends. Life is somewhat normalizing although she is not done.

Physical therapy began a couple of weeks ago and she is doing well. Sometimes the therapist works her to the point of crying, but she is a trooper. Now we wait to see the surgeon to remove the screws from her growth plate and she is also now using a device to help her bone heal. If it doesn’t heal properly they may need to add bone graft to the top. The bottom portion seems to be healing fine so that is good news.  Alyssa is now using crutches instead of a walker to get her left leg used to more weight.  We still have ways to go before she can run. Just glad she is on the road to recovery, along with the ongoing appointments needed.

As for mom, I am doing well. Keeping busy with cooking during the work week while Jason works. I am becoming an amateur cook after trying out all these casserole dishes my cousin sent me. When a recipe tells me 10 min prep it’s usually 20 for me, LoL. But I am getting better and learning not to overcook chicken!! I went to see a doctor and he says that I need to take iron again - it appears I am anemic. Otherwise I am healthy and need to lower my sugar levels. I am not diabetic but my mom had diabetes type 2 so I need to be careful. 

Until next time... Thank you all for reading and for your prayers. Once this pandemic is over, I look forward to getting together for a cup of wine or so!!!

Last Week of Chemo

Well, we have finally reached our final week of chemo. What a long journey this has been since the start of it, December 20.  We are going to miss all the staff in the hospital, the wonderful nurses, the massage therapist, the art therapist, the physical therapist and even a yoga teacher who came in and offered me lessons. Alyssa wasn’t into music but we even got a visit from the musician who played the guitar. It is a nice little community here. And to top that, the child life specialist drops by with goodies for Alyssa each time. They get a lot of toy donations so it’s been raining arts and crafts, toys, puzzles and LEGO’s and whatnot.

It’s been nice, but Alyssa will be glad not to have the smell of the hospital anytime soon. This is a huge accomplishment for her to stick it through to the end.

School starts the following week, and it will be busy for her but it is a relief knowing she will resume a somewhat normal life again. Soon to be gone are the 12-hour days of sleep and hours of playing Fortnite with Dad, nonstop. 

I have tracked a list of side effects from chemo and just so glad that things will normalize up. Alyssa will start eating more once her appetite returns, her hair will grow back, she won’t be neutropenic anymore meaning she won’t have food restrictions such eating only low-bacteria foods. Her body will heal quicker too, with chemo out of the way.

We are proud of our little girl’s courage and strength and look forward to putting this behind her, as the year she will never forget. 

Week 25

Well, here we are approaching the last leg of chemo therapy. Next week two outpatient visits, then 1 week break, then the last two back to back week chemos....yay!! Still not out of the woods by any means, as the side effects (especially with appetite issues) will linger after chemo is done.  I am glad to build a network where I can ask questions and know what to expect.

I am happy and ready to move forward. I am on leave without pay from work until next April but I must begin looking for my next work assignment, April 2021. Fortunately 6-year rule of working stateside max for the State Department has increased to 8 years so I can try for an assignment in Florida again since I have worked in the US 5 years since returning from Baghdad in 2015. This means I need to lobby soon and if it’s not FL this time around, I may have to separate again from my family. I don’t want to, it has caused emotional turmoil for me and a distancing with my daughter.  As I say before, they don’t pay the big bucks for nothing.

Alyssa is doing fine.  She still has issues from chemo side effects but we are doing our best to manage it. Her blood pressure is normal again.  If my calculations are correct, a fever is due week 27, and she is back in the hospital with those darn covid nose swab tests again for EACH hospital inpatient admission. I have heard babies cry but even a grownup has cried. Yeah, imagine having someone push a stick up your nose. Each time she cries, and each time it gets worse when the nurses try and she delays it up to 3-5 min before she is ready.

I am just glad this will be over. I am looking forward to when she is no longer immunocompromised. I see pictures of ppl’s Instagram and Facebook vacay pics to the outdoors, pool parties, just getting out and one wonders....are we in the middle of a pandemic or what?! I wish I can get out soon with my family too. Hanging in there.

I’ll be back at the end to post soon. I know I used to be super active in posting to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and what not. But I am slowly but surely returning to my normal self.  I am beginning to realize how I fell into this deep dark pit and now I am ready to pull myself out ....real soon.

Til next time. Thank you for praying for us. 🙏🏻😊❤️

Week 22

It is now week 22 of Alyssa’s chemotherapy adventure since this all started December 20. This week she is home with two outpatient visits of chemo and next week she is off. The side effects these last two weeks have been the high blood pressure, which we can only assume resulted from meds and IV fluids. She is now taking medication for that. Every week, something new resulting from chemo.

Good news, her chest X-rays and femur MRI came clear. The cancer has not spread to her lungs, thank goodness. We asked for a bone scan which is full body she will get next week. Just to be sure. Thank you everyone for your continued prayers.

I joined Gilda’a club, oncology support group for those impacted by cancer. So far I met one lady who’s 20-year-old daughter just finished chemo for osteosarcoma and I am glad I got to share concerns with side effects her daughter experienced similar pains resulting from chemo.  I was concerned about Alyssa’s nutrition and weight loss and she reassured me her daughter went through the same, as long as we get some food in there somehow and to always give her what she asked to eat.  

There is a new 11-year-old girl diagnosed with osteosarcoma who also lives in Shenandoah, our neighborhood. We hope the family will want to connect with us, this would be good for Alyssa to mentor and share with a girl close to her age.  Having the support during cancer treatment is so important.

As for me, I am hanging in there as usual. Trying to take it day by day.  They say taking care of yourself is important for caregivers so I have to make sure I do what I can - prayer, exercise and eating better.  I used to do so much back in the day. I wonder where I had all the energy. Of course I was a bit younger and more motivated then.  Now I am just trying to recover from all that’s happened in the past year and being patient with myself to get through it.

As I close this entry, I pray for continued strength to get through the remaining eight weeks. And from there, side effects will start to go away and things will start to normalize up.  I am hoping with all that is happening in the world with covid, that things will get better and get back to normal soon. 

It’s Been Gray in the Villa Household

With the rain coming down, the recent passing of Jason’s sister Lori, and Alyssa’s high fever which put her back in the hospital again, it has not been the best of days for us.

Being quarantined also has been hard. We have gone as far as car trip to the beach and brought some lunches to eat in the car while parked.

Looking over how 2020 has been, I am ready for it to fast forward. Alyssa has until July 31 when she is done with cancer treatments hopefully that is it.  Then she will spend the summer tutoring to catch up with her classmates.

It is going to be a hot summer so I imagine more days in the pool for Alyssa.  Please continue to pray for the Villa family with our trials and losses so far this year. We are a strong family but we still need prayers. This week in the hospital, Alyssa needed blood transfusions and have difficulty breathing. We don’t know what viral infection caused the fever but at least it wasn’t bacterial. 

Lord, we don’t know why you cause certain things to happen, you have your timing and reasons for everything. We just need to place our trust in you as we navigate this stormy weather.

Home away from Home

We are moving to the 4th cycle of chemo next week and will be completed by 6th cycle treatment 🤞.  Each cycle consists of 3 weeks back-to-back treatment with 1-2 week off. We are all looking forward to that day when the bell rings when her last treatment is completed.

Last week, Alyssa had three problems that surfaced during hospital stay including two small fractures and high blood sugar levels.  She hurt her wrist a couple weeks ago at home when she fell and then in the hospital just last week, she broke her little toe from standing on the weight machine and then losing balance as she was getting off of it. Doctors decided to get X-rays for both.  Both are minor fractures fortunately, but resulted from her inability to walk since surgery in March and now she needs casts to wear. Only one free arm remaining without a cast.

Hoping nothing more occurs. I am just glad to see her appetite return. Now that it has returned she is bummed that she had to go on a low sugar diet due to some medications the week before causing her blood level to spike and caused doctors concern.  Poor Alyssa.  She has been good at using the machine to test her own blood sugar. Proud of her. All seems well with the readings, thinking she should resume her normal diet.

So we would have been in the hospital 20 out of 30 days this month, including the week with fever. And of those weeks we have to see an Orthopedic surgeon, endocrinologist and a nephrologist (about her bone density levels). Apparently getting fractures easily is a cause for concern so Alyssa has to take supplements for that.

Her hospital is for sure her second home though she would be glad to be out of it for sure.  And for this particular chemo she has to take 20 of the glutamine capsules that helps to prevent mouth sores resulting from chemo treatment. She hated the powdered drinks and also the glutamine chews were awful. She’d rather take 20 of the capsules three times a day to meet the required dosage 😱  It is so unfair... But she is a fighter and will get through it.

The New Normal

We are nearly halfway through chemo and Alyssa is back in the hospital yet again for a fever. It is like clockwork.  We are always instructed to take her in if she is above 100.5. The reason for this is because she is at a high risk for infections and needs antibiotics help. We are also not allowed to give her Tylenol. When she receives this particular chemo, her immune level always drops which makes it dangerous for her to fight off infections. It is unavoidable, the body responds with a fever.

So we take her to the ER to get her antibiotics, bloodwork for her immune counts and a culture. If my theory is correct, she has no infection, just the usual body response to low ANC immune level counts and minor viral infections.  The new normal after getting doxorubicin and cisplateen chemotherapy.

We got prayer warriors going as usual hoping her fever goes away and she can go home.

As for how I am holding up, I am trying to be present and provide more support for her. Hardest struggle for me these days is getting up in the morning to face the day. I ask for your prayers in this small but important endeavor. I have been praying myself as well.

Fortunately this time in the hospital, she was able to join in on her class remotely via zoom with her classmates so she is happy about that. I am glad to see her looking forward to something she has not had in a while.  I guess you don’t appreciate it until it’s gone.  Important to be grateful for small blessings.

Starting Small Again

Today I had a very encouraging visit from a Thai Pastor and his wife to pray over me at the hospital in the chapel.  I wish he can meet and pray with Alyssa too, but considering she is under treatment and her immune system is low, it's better to be safe. 

I did not realize how much I fell away from the faith through my failures with establishing a regular bible study or a ministry where I felt I belong.  The fact that SoulCore rosary workout did not take off in Florida, as I imagined it to, and did not happen for me in DC was also part of me "giving up."  But I heard the words repeated to me twice in the last 24 hours..."Everything happens for a reason."

I had wonderful and vivid dreams the last few nights that were full of hope and encouragement.  And I wake up to reality to find that my daughter still has cancer and she has surgery in two weeks. I have been reminded by this wonderful visit, that God will work out everything for me.  In between that, I will do what I can to remain strong and to take care of my daughter.  The reality of my waking life will be back in order, in good time.

But first...starting small and doing those pushups for the Our Father, planks for the Hail Mary and memorizing the Hail Holy Queen prayer.  SO that I may be ready to lead SoulCore when His timing is right, it will be something for me to pursue once Alyssa's recovery is under way.  Amen.

The Concept of Time Travel

The concept of time travel has always fascinated me. My favorite movie is Back to the Future because if the opportunity exists to go back and make things better for our future wouldn’t we? Besides the movie is a classic with all kinds of punchlines. It is hilarious what people do the past would think of people of today. 

I think about another romantic movie in Thai where a modern day woman goes back in time and falls in love with a man who lived during the 5th King’s reign. The idea transcends culture because it is something every  humans dreams of.

Time travel is not only a fantasy everyone dreams of, it revolves around romance because love is eternal. Like the movie “Somewhere in Time” and the chic flick with Meg Ryan “Kate and Leopoldo” where she falls in love with a man from 1876 just shows how customs change, but human nature doesn’t. And my favorite scene is where she gets up and as a gentleman, he says it is polite to stand up when a woman gets up. 

Time travel will always fascinate me. Even though I don’t have a delorean like Marty, I travel in time all the time through visiting pictures and daily ruminations of how my day, week and month went.

What is Happiness and why do we demand perfection

It has been a month since I took time off to be with Alyssa during her chemo treatment.  I am slowly crawling out of my depression and start to ponder how I arrived at where I was in DC in pursuit of happiness. Just as my life was busy in FL with choir, singing lessons, dance lessons, bible study, tennis lessons, personal training it is no wonder I lost sight of what is important.

Sure I enjoy keeping busy but in doing so I missed what is important and drifted away from family life. When I moved to DC, I kept up some of the same activities only to realize they truly did not make me happy. I thought I was doing me.

I enjoyed my new job and I thought I found my true calling. But then severe depression struck me and with the help of my therapist, and my best friend, as well as partial hospitalization program, I knew I had a lot to offer. I am not defined by my past. I was in a lot of pain and was running away from it. Priorities was never my strength. I was blind to the truth and was deceived by what I thought would make me happy.

And what is exactly is that? Is it praises and kudos and attention? Or is it something more?

This is the last time I am running. Success for me is not defined by how much weight I lost, how many certifications I have, or even how far I advance in my career.  Having the perfect voice, the perfect style, the perfect car and house and family .. that are the measurements of humans and does not guarantee happiness.

Home is where the heart is and I believe I will have the patience to endure this difficult time, giving up all that made me happy short term and looking for long term happiness from above. I pray that Jesus will give me the strength I need to wait for the crown of glory.