The Great Escape

It's my first trip back home to Florida, since I relocated to Washington D.C.  Upon landing, I almost felt like I was in a foreign land.  And before I knew it, I felt at home again.

Alyssa and I got the chance to experience one of her favorite things to do since her discovery last Christmas, the escape rooms.  As a parent, you learned to do what your child does, even though you yourself, have no desire in such activities!  Hey, isn't that sacrifice?!?!  We did have fun, but solving problems and puzzles, are not my thing.  As it turns out, the level of difficulty as well as rating, was probably not as appropriate as I imagine, especially for children under 13.  Nevertheless, it was a valuable learning experience and was definitely not for nothing.

Lessons Learned

1).  Use your resources wisely, and you can maximize your time.
2).  Name-calling and screaming can be detrimental to achieving the goal, that is to survive.
3).  The team member must obey authority.  Example: In this case, Alyssa has great mathematical and puzzle solving skills.  But to divide and conquer as she and the "over-head" voice said to do, I believe we didn't fully tap into our gifts to make the most of the situation.  She did not listen to her mother to solve the puzzle first and, as it turns out, the puzzles were not even all there.  We had to unlock more keys to get the remaining pieces.  Yes, by 30 min., I was thoroughly frustrated.  Sorry honey, I really didn't mean to scream at you. 

Result =  We almost made it.  Now I said almost, because we opened the tunnel and was in the last room, which was quite dark and quite scary.  The wind grew louder, I actually screamed for the staff to turn off the eerie sounds..Too close to reality.  The sound of the wind, the cobwebs, and the whispering voices grew louder and louder.  Within seconds, Bo and Alyssa ran back to the front of the room, as we could not go forward with the fear and pressure in a dark room.

I can't say I was proud.  But upon reading reviews on Trip Advisor, I felt so much better when a team  of nine could not escape either. LOL, God says don't compare!  And I shouldn't.  But I needed to know how bad we did.  Turns out we were part of the 90% that didn't escape.  What a relief.

April 19, 2019, the Lost Tomb of Monthu

The great american escape room 

AND the one in Ontario..Much more fun!  Time Machine..Yes, we completed it.

Kid friendly and the hosts added ten minutes to our time.

December 30, 2018

http://www.ptboescape.com/

The Ego vs. ID

“You don’t serve me anymore, therefore I don’t need you.” Do we really live such egocentric lives? Is it always “about us.” Let’s dig into this a little further.

Several weeks ago I spoke with a wise Father. I did not know him. But I believed him. You could say I saw through his exterior all the way to his interior. He mentioned to me some very important elements I would not forget. He told me that he was not a PHD in psychology but considers himself a soul doctor. He told me that what differentiates us between animals is that we have the conscience to chooose what is right and wrong — we don’t let our animal instincts guide our behavior. He said that people walk around wearing masks and that beauty was skin deep. Most importantly he told me that no one on earth, even the most perfect and Godliest of all Godly people is not perfect.

Back to the science of “it’s about me.” If we go by our automatic egocentric behavior, we revert into living creatures without a soul. Or if I use the term “animal” (i.e., he is an animal) in this context, it is negative. Why?? Because we know that animals in general don’t have a conscience and though they live and survive based on the ID, they are not trusting God for their survival. Please comment if you would like to defend for your furry friend here. Some dogs appear to have egos!!

When we turn to God, we let go of serving our egos and pride and do the “right thing.” We May have to suffer as a result, but at this point our interest is no longer in us, but in the other person we are sacrificing for.  That is love.

I often confuse the meaning of love with behavior that serves me. I confuse love with excited feelings that make me want to procreate. This is what the media teaches us. Love is a physical passion, and emotion. 

Actually, love is not that. So this Father tells me that love is not actually an emotion. He gave me a prime example. He said love is Jesus dying on the cross for us. Think about it. Even most movies I saw depicted Jesus is a very kind, calm but not “emotional” or zealous to say the least.

Here, I conclude with this piece from the below website. “The soul desire is the integral part of oneself that wants to be in touch with their highest purpose. This is the desire which feeds your spiritual center and provides you with a contentedness, as well as a sense of fulfillment that is pervasive and permanent.”

So let us deny ourselves and our ego, in pursuit of our higher self — the soul.  I will be praying about it.

Reference 

http://insightfulinnovations.com/zykrblog/ego-versus-soul-desire

Self Actualization

Years and years ago, I heard of a book titled “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” I don’t know why it has been on my reading list for the longest time, yet I failed to read it (listen) until now. Maybe I knew subconsciously I wasn’t ready for it.

Then life happened. I grew up. Emotionally. I gained wisdom. I knew what frustration was about. I knew why I blamed people. I knew why my partner blamed me. I knew why I was jealous and angry...and the answer is fear.

It isn’t surprising that the answer I found in the book was something I had figured out in the past year, if not past several months.  Why did I hang onto fear? Because I just wasn’t ready to take full responsibility. I wanted to stay the victim. Self-comforting felt good. That was relying on myself to provide comfort because I feared, no one will.

When I listen to older people during my youthful days say, “I wish I had the knowledge now and go back in time”’or something along those lines, NOW I know what they meant. Sometimes you can have the answers handed to you. Self-Actualization happens through your own life experiences. Maybe you won’t believe it now, but try reading this post maybe in a year, or two.

I look at my daughter now and think to myself, I need to teach her these things so she won’t repeat my mistakes. It is not what this is about. I am protecting her from the ugly truth. Doesn’t matter what I do, life will teach her. Her personality, influences and what God gave her was already different from me to begin with. 

I truly want to share with the youth, my knowledge. Maybe now you can take that knowledge and reshape the future somehow. The world is always changing in relation to the now, so I trust you will.

Here are some quotes from the book, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. Enjoy!!

“Replace the inner chatter box with a loving voice.”

“Don’t blame outside forces.”

“Trust that you will always have what you need.”

“If all your giving is about getting, you will be fearful.”

“When we let someone be who they are without trying to change them, that is giving away love.”

“When we let go and let them learn and grow without us, we are giving away love.”

Self-actualization is getting in touch with our higher self.

Third Week - Washington DC

It's my third week in DC and I'm slowly, but surely setting in.  Even by myself, sometimes I feel like there is not enough hours in the day to do what I want.  I am blessed to have this quiet time to contemplate and really soul-search.

So what I am searching for? Meaning and purpose in life. Finding a positive way to belong in society besides just making money.  Reconnecting to my past and how I can let go of the pain I hung on to for a long time, thinking it defined who I am.

I am a woman, I am Asian, I'm a mother...I'm a Catholic.  I am petite. I have straight, black hair. I am aging. I am 142 lbs. And I want to love all of myself, so much more than I have in the past. And this doesn't mean, putting other people down to make myself feel better. It means, accepting the gifts that God gave me, and knowing that he chose me to carry out his great commission.

It's not easy representing him...and the U.S. Embassy at the same time.  But with great responsibilities, I have to take sensitivity in how I say things and how they may be perceived.  I have to have God's view and how He sees others.  Not how I see others.  It's hard, I just hope that at the end of the day, I did what was pleasing to Him.

I got the chance to be part of a new affinity group at my job called GRACE - Government Recognizing All Christian Employees.  GRACE is more than a group just for Christians.  It is a group that fosters expression of religious freedom whatever they may be. It is a gentle invitation to nonbelievers, inviting them into our world, to let them see our mission, what we do and why it's important. 

Besides these opportunity, I have the opportunity to improve lives of employees that come into our organization - strengthening the workforce, recruiting and outreach.  I've always believed that I am reaching out to people, inviting them into the love of Christ.  What can be more appropriate than a job who's core IS outreach.

For now, I'm blessed and I can't wait to see what else He has planned for me.

Death, in more ways than one

Today I visited my mom's grave site.  I haven't been here since winter of 2015.  I felt more at peace here than before. It made me think about what death is and why humans in general, are afraid of it. It's the end of something that once existed.

Death, of a loved one, can be devastating.  Death of love that once existed between husband and wife can be devastating.  Why is it that we evade it so much.  This is a mystery in itself.  Because it is one thing in life that is certain, whereas everything else is not.

You never can measure the love that your family or your friends have for you.  Or how much happiness money can bring you.  We all work hard in life for ideals and things we believe are success.

But since death is viewed as sadness, tragedy, and ending, what then, is the purpose of life.  I guess this is one of the questions philosophers have wrestled with since the beginning time.

We are in existence for a purpose, that I believe is sure.  We may not be able to see it with the naked eye, but it is the basic common belief of all living things.  Good...bad... pain...pleasure.  Animals have basic needs to be loved and comforted, as do humans.  Being alive means being in communion with other living beings.  Death is something we try to not to think about. Because one day, it will come.  We don't know when.  And death separates us from life...from togetherness.

How can die to self? I have been hearing this message in more ways than one this lenten period. Dying to self is putting our life, hope, fears and failures to the one who never dies - Father of creation. He is the beginning and the end.  He never dies, and he holds the secret to eternal life.

I've relied on myself to survive thus far.  Now it's time I die to self and rely on God the Father, so that I may die from old ways of thinking, from fear, from anything that separates me from His love. 

Lord take the helm.

Savannah, Georgia

Saturday evening, March 23, 2019. I am in Savannah, GA.  This wasn’t part of my PCS (permanent change of station) trip. I missed my train ride from Sanford, FL. I failed to realize that the auto train is only offered there, which was near Orlando. Oh well...I guess it was a blessing in disguise as so far I got to visit the Kennedy Space museum and see Savannah which was what I had originally intended to do. 

I didn’t have a plan so I just went with Trip advisor and saw that Bonaventure Cemetary was listed as an attraction. The photo looked nice and I liked the name because it was our church’s Patron saint. I am glad I booked the tour. It was long but I learned so much. And it was relaxing and for an afternoon I thought nothing at all, except of the property’s history and beauty.

Next I just picked a couple of sites and used Google Maps app to plot my self-driving tour. Interesting to say the least..Saw the river front, historic area where there was a horse carriage and a wedding going on..Last but not least a community park and a few churches. After a while, most city layouts has the same. This one according to the map had many squares!! After 2.5 hours of walking at Bonaventure Cemetery I wasn’t about to do any more downtown. So that was my day!!

Ready for tomorrow...where I will catch up with my cousin in Chesterfield, Virginia!!

Bell 🔔 to detract grave robbers. Didn’t work out that much. 

Stories of urns, drapery, flower beds, famous gravesites and statued headstones

Beautiful

My last day in sunny Florida.  At least for another three weeks until I come back to see my family.  It has been very emotional for me these last few weeks.  God said He would not give me more than I can handle.  It's time for me to go.

Yesterday was an amazing day for me.  Because I felt like for the first time in a long time, I truly connected with my daughter. We ended our afternoon by attending self-defense class.  I chose to do this last activity for her as a mental and physical reminder of her strength.  I'm happy for her, that she already has many of the skills to defend herself and would not let anyone walk over her.  At least I'd like to try to believe I gave her enough love to let her trust the world, and to be empowered.  I also feel strong finishing the class, knowing that although I started out maybe powerless, I can transform myself and prepare for any future battle that comes my way.

I finally finished my angel painting. I've been wanting to do this for almost a year.  Alyssa knows because the canvas has been blue and empty sitting in the corner for quite some time.  I couldn't ask of a better way to end my afternoon by painting the colors of my angel, one to watch over my family.  I've already consecrated myself to Mary.  She will take care of the rest.  As much as I want to believe how many times I've been ugly..And I mean in a behavioral way which of course can lead to me feeling ugly on the outside.  I've end my day the way it should...Beautiful.

I got a wonderful e-mail from a close friend with also the comment "beautiful."  It gave me such encouragement that I needed to hear.  SoulCore was one of the journeys I've taken where I felt like I had something positive to contribute to the community.  And it was said at least twice at the end of the sessions I've lead, "that was beautiful."  SO I will end my journey here and remember those words...Beautiful.