It's not often that I wake up feeling happy or that I had a GREAT dream. When I do, it truly is a great feeling.
I dreamed that I was leading an exercise class. We first started with me briefing how important it is to stretch our bodies and warm them up so we can be ready for an activity such as a game, an Olympic event, etc. So I proceed to lead to show them how to stretch. Then I said, it's time to start increasing our heart rate so we're going to walk around in the circle. I said just 10 minutes a day shows how much it can help our bodies. I told them we have two circles, inner is the ones who want to run and the outer is for those who want to walk. Afterwards, we had about 5 minutes remaining and I was going to show them the last activity of the class, and that is floor work -- ab exercises and some strengthening.
In real life, I'm not a fitness expert. I've been leading SoulCore classes now going on the 2nd year at the church. I enjoy leading people spiritually. I feel like that's my gift. Motivating and I myself, went through many transformations in my younger years as I had personal trainers and a bunch of fitness classes. I had more energy back then. I was ambitious. I also went through some Yo-Yo diets and had success with weight lost. Keeping it off was my struggle. But in no means, am I physical anatomy expert or have proper queuing although I'm learning.
I think sometimes my calling is to be a leader of some sort - to motivate people to lead healthier lives. My life long struggle with being happy and positive sometimes revert and I end up going to my old ways. But life isn't static. We are individuals who go through experiences that change and mold us. Study shows that our brains are more bendable then we think, although we often tell ourselves that "I'm an old dog. I can't learn new tricks." We justify reasons for why we can't change.
I joined an online support group on self-confidence. I think I have come a long way. Others may think that I read all these self-help books and have gone to therapy for 30 years and it hasn't changed me. I beg to differ. I can now speak more comfortably in a group, thanks to Toastmasters. I am more confident than I was in my teen years, knowing that I don't have to be perfect.
Sure, I have setbacks and I get into a depression, self-sorry cycle, but I realize it. And after 40 years, I know I have tools at my disposal to move on. I have friends that love me and support me. And I know now I can't make the world love me. And I have let go of the fact that a person's action is not always about me. I know I can stop taking it personal because I used to think that way. Because of my low self-esteem, I blame myself thinking with a negative attitude and internalizing. I'm constantly looking for approval. I can blame childhood neglect for this --but whatever.
Someone said, It's not always about you. We are ego-centric by nature. After all, we are given 5 senses to see the world and it's through our own eyes. Touch, vision (our camera), smell, hearing and... taste? Some have six. But that's how we navigate our world.
And that's all I have to say about that. (---Forrest Gump)
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