Friday, October 17, 2025

My Life Flash in Front of Me

Two days ago my brother passed away. My short dreams that night were traumatic.  Tonight it was a little better.  It was a realistic voyage through life.  Almost going from a cruise scene to a futuristic future where movies about back to the future showed how to use  the new technology (phone setups and toothbrushes). 

What was interesting was what the dream illustrated.  On a bus was a glass view of outside scenery on the right, while people on that side of the cruise ship bus were eating healthy foods and oranges. They were all not overweight.  They lived an simple life where they maintained and took care of themselves.  Not pictured in this side of the cruise ship were those who splurged and ate at buffets.

I know life is a journey from A to B and it's how we live it that either gives us long lives or short ones. Some are blessed with hereditary; humor, good health and good connection with others.  Others end up dying quite lonely lives not having anyone to help take care of them.  This dream illustrated what I needed to do to get my life back into shape.  While having my tech daughter teach me knew futuristic technology and the frustration that comes with learning it!!

I'm glad I'm on the road to recovery.  


Saturday, May 3, 2025

Travels to Greece

This is the first time we returned to Europe in 17 years, for a visit to one of the countries on our bucket list, Greece.  Jason had tried to book a trip to the Santorini islands in 2007 but because my leave was not approved timely, the hotel he wanted was no longer available.  We always tell this story to Alyssa because we I told Jason that because we stayed in Belgium instead of traveling that week, the Lord blessed me with a pregnancy.  She never wants to hear the story LOL.

Well the trip to Greece was for sure a great adventure. This was Alyssa's first return to Europe after leaving Belgium in a little airplane cot.  She loved it more than going on our usual Caribbean cruises and I thought she blended in just fine! 

My thoughts on Greece was that it was a very nice European city with hospitable people.  I know surveying geographics is what I do a lot in a new city, and compared to the European cities I've been to, the city was fairly cleaned. Not dirty, no dog poop to dodge, and the pickpocket situation didn't seem to pose a threat like Rome and Paris.  Oh, and I do like the food. But like most European countries, you can't really find bad food.  I especially like the gyros and souvlaki. I also tried the moussaka for the first time and loved it!

Now, on to the sites. Acropolis was amazing. Of course it was packed, even at opening time. Hello, all the YouTube videos said to avoid the lines, what do you think people did with that? It wasn't too tiring to climb up as there was quite to see along the way.  The other ruins in Greece were OK but I wouldn't pay to enter and see them. You could easily see them as you walked the city.  We did do a sunset tour to Poseidon but the view wasn't as great as I hoped. It was nice, don't get me wrong, but the drones that took the video were able to access them from places that humans could not walk to!  

Our AirBnB was also convenient and accessible to most places. The bed was stiff but I made do, and our host was efficient. His assistant was onsite to help.  I think I would visit Greece again. There is much to see and not enough time.  Santorini was far, so we made it to a closer Island called, Hydra (pronounced ydra or Heedruh).  We rode a horse instead of a mule and got a scenic tour of the roads up the mountain.  Low and behold, we found a restaurant named Roloi, that served loukoumades or deep-fried donuts.  I remember how we saw them all over in Athens but then when we wanted it for dessert, they were no where to be found!! Well it was good, the praline flavored one, not the honey. I went back for seconds the next day.  We didn't get to swim in Hydra although I saw a spot or two that would be good.

We left and made it home, though the tight airport line 1 hour before departure was a close call. The ground staff were helpful in getting us through and the plane actually waited for passengers to come on board. I remember missing  my overnight flight in Germany in 2006 or so. No, if you're not on time, you are out of luck. I think Jason remembered that day because prior to cell phones, there really is no way to track and he had to call the airport to find out where I was. Airport stories you never forget.  

So that's it. Greek in a nutshell...got a few souvenirs including evil eye items, pictures of cats, and a Greek funeral and theatrical mask.  



Sunday, March 2, 2025

Retirement Dream

 It’s interesting that my last post was about transition. It seems that just when we mastered the art of transition, we get caught in vortex of fear and anxiety.

This blog entry is about retirement. I have begun having dreams relating to this transition and the most recent one had me telling my daughter how things are changing and to reminding her why they are. I wake up feeling that my exciting of new identities, new careers and new hobbies are actually translating into what I call retirement anxiety. If I were to analyze this, I would say the fear comes from whether I would succeed in my transition.

For those of you who know me for almost 7 years, I have been looking forward to it. Who hasn’t dream of filling a new job passion, waking up when you feel like it, and just enjoying freedom.  Truth is, we are creatures of habit. And as reality sinks in, so does hope, despair and maybe even depression.

Knowing this, we are also resilient. We know we overcame changes in the past and bouncing back is important. So, thanks AI, thanks therapy, and thanks to my community of friends and family. 

Believe in the dream, and persevere. 



Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Transition

Transition. It makes us all feel uneasy.  We are creatures of habit.  Mammals are creatures of habits.  Some mammals adapt better than others.  Same as plants.  The most flexible plants can stretch and stay alive despite strong winds.

Thinking back to the many times I've had transitions, I have to say I've overcame them all. For better or worse. So there is no stress anymore. No fear.

The most impactful one was when I was in the first grade. My best friend was Melanie and she asked me, "What will I am going to do?" She was moving away. I don't think I had a best friend again for some time. Then, I switched to public schools in the 5th-6th grade. 

I think the worst transition was moving yet once again to catholic school because my mother wanted me to be confirmed.  Stability is not something I knew. I guess God was preparing me for something bigger.  The Foreign Service career.

The worst transition of all was when I was already in my senior year. I've been in two different high schools. Then I was going to a 3rd one when my mom saw how depressed I was, she asked for me to return. 

There were other times, such as the times when I had an opportunity for an art program and I quit. I also quit when I got a part in the play. I ran away from fear. I ran away from feelings of awkwardness.  

I've come a long way and this final transition into life should be a happy one. No stress. No pressure. No one to push or blame me.  I can finally live...and be free. 



Sunday, November 10, 2024

A Can of Worms

Me, in 2013 at 38 years of age

 I decided to do a collage of my pictures at every decade for my upcoming 50th birthday in June.  Wow. I had no idea what that would have resulted in as I went to sleep and woke up at the wee hours of November 10.  Only memories a near 50-year old can process. It includes, the 'good, the bad, and the ugly.'

Turns out a had a major self-esteem issue.  I often wondered how my cousin who had a huge impact during my adolescent years played a part in the shaping of my self-esteem. She barely spoke English, but she was the desired one, had more friends/boyfriends I ever had.  In my dream, there were actors, one well-known one (brother/sister) Willy and Kathaleeya Mcintosh. I thought they were the model of perfection. They were both charming and beautiful. I grew up in the 1990s idolizing these folks. They appeared in my dream as the object of my affection and how Willy didn't even pay attention to me. The fact is, there's humor behind this. People, I'm not Thai. I look Thai but I don't even have an ounce of Thai in me. I have a Thai accent when I talk.  If I go to Thailand now, I'll be concerned about covering up so I don't get bit by mosquitos.  This is the punchline of all. Why do I compare myself to Thai people and models. Why do I compare myself at all? 

I am my own person today. And gosh darn it, I am loved for it.  We are all different human beings with diverse culture, background and memories. And though I lacked what I considered, "love and attention" by the world's ideals, I am loved by the one who matters.

You Say, Lauren Daigle

Lyrics
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enoughEvery single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every lowRemind me once again just who I am because I need to knowOoh-oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thingYou say I am strong when I think I am weakAnd you say I am held when I am falling shortAnd when I don't belong, oh You say I am YoursAnd I believe (I)Oh, I believe (I)What You say of me (I)I believe
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of meIn You I find my worth, in You I find my identityOoh-oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thingYou say I am strong when I think I am weakAnd you say I am held when I am falling shortWhen I don't belong, oh You say I am YoursAnd I believe (I)Oh, I believe (I)What You say of me (I)Oh, I believe
Taking all I have, and now I'm laying it at Your feetYou have every failure, God, You have every victoryOoh-oh
You say I am loved when I can't feel a thingYou say I am strong when I think I am weakYou say I am held when I am falling shortWhen I don't belong, oh You say I am YoursAnd I believe (I)Oh, I believe (I)What You say of me (I)I believe
Oh, I believe (I)Yes, I believe (I)What You say of me (I)

I believe 

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Connecting Online and Offline

I guess after attending church today, I felt the need to express our human need to connect with another.  It's interesting that no matter what, people both introverts and extroverts will have a need to connect with other humans. This is not only a gene for survival but it's also the basics of church and many other religious teachings.  

I found that back in 1990, it was easier for me, a shy person to connect with others online. I felt like I was being evaluated on my social skills (blunder rather) or even how I looked.  The downside was that I did encounter people who lied because it's easy to deceive who you are when you are online. Nothing terrible, thank God.  

We connect more with one another in person and this will not change. Sure, we can develop life long marriages from online relationships but the success can depend on personality, trust, and values.  I've learned very early on that 55% of communication is nonverbal. This means, there is so much more missing from online communications and as one source said, online is fun but is shallow.  

God put us together to relate, and we don't always relate successfully. But we can learn better communication skills, avoid assumptions, presumptions, and other barriers such as fear to expressing oneself, assertively.  Establishing those healthy boundaries is key 



Saturday, June 29, 2024

Organizing and Preparing for Change


 Making Sense of Chaos. That's what our minds do naturally, to provide a sense of security and safety.  

One recurring dream I've had lately is packing and vacating a hotel room. I had only travel two weeks ago, nearly. I know what this entails. It means, preparing for what I need and ensuring that when I leave my temporary lodging place, that I DON'T forget anything.  Being a seasoned traveler, I left things like hair brushes and chargers and those can be costly.

The day before, I was reading a magazine on organizing and de-cluttering. This was no accident. It manifested in my dream in the form of being orderly. We carry so many things in our life which we think we need, causing us more grief sometimes because we don't know where we put things, and we are drowned in the stuff we own.

In my dream, I was carefully organizing and sorting things by likes and likes. This makes me work and move faster. I was ensuring I didn't leave anything behind. When I found things I had been given, I was angry I waited until the last day to pack this because now I have to think about it.

As a seasoned traveler, one thing you don't want is to leave stuff until the last minute which adds stress, extra time, and chaos to your travel day. An example: I may need makeup and toiletries the day I leave my home, but I actually have spares so I can pack those things the night before.

Also, we sometimes buy more than we can bring. This leaves me with bags and bags of stuff and who wants to travel holding extra bags? Packing everything and keeping what you need, light, is key. You've seen those people with 5 purses I'm sure. So it can be frustrating to have more than you can handle.

In the end, it seems we leave with our spirits and everything physical is left behind. For sure, I'm ready for change, whatever this recurring means. Finding a new job. Leaving legacy behind (photos/memories/recipes). It's just time to let go.