Connecting Online and Offline

I guess after attending church today, I felt the need to express our human need to connect with another.  It's interesting that no matter what, people both introverts and extroverts will have a need to connect with other humans. This is not only a gene for survival but it's also the basics of church and many other religious teachings.  

I found that back in 1990, it was easier for me, a shy person to connect with others online. I felt like I was being evaluated on my social skills (blunder rather) or even how I looked.  The downside was that I did encounter people who lied because it's easy to deceive who you are when you are online. Nothing terrible, thank God.  

We connect more with one another in person and this will not change. Sure, we can develop life long marriages from online relationships but the success can depend on personality, trust, and values.  I've learned very early on that 55% of communication is nonverbal. This means, there is so much more missing from online communications and as one source said, online is fun but is shallow.  

God put us together to relate, and we don't always relate successfully. But we can learn better communication skills, avoid assumptions, presumptions, and other barriers such as fear to expressing oneself, assertively.  Establishing those healthy boundaries is key 

Organizing and Preparing for Change

 Making Sense of Chaos. That's what our minds do naturally, to provide a sense of security and safety.  

One recurring dream I've had lately is packing and vacating a hotel room. I had only travel two weeks ago, nearly. I know what this entails. It means, preparing for what I need and ensuring that when I leave my temporary lodging place, that I DON'T forget anything.  Being a seasoned traveler, I left things like hair brushes and chargers and those can be costly.

The day before, I was reading a magazine on organizing and de-cluttering. This was no accident. It manifested in my dream in the form of being orderly. We carry so many things in our life which we think we need, causing us more grief sometimes because we don't know where we put things, and we are drowned in the stuff we own.

In my dream, I was carefully organizing and sorting things by likes and likes. This makes me work and move faster. I was ensuring I didn't leave anything behind. When I found things I had been given, I was angry I waited until the last day to pack this because now I have to think about it.

As a seasoned traveler, one thing you don't want is to leave stuff until the last minute which adds stress, extra time, and chaos to your travel day. An example: I may need makeup and toiletries the day I leave my home, but I actually have spares so I can pack those things the night before.

Also, we sometimes buy more than we can bring. This leaves me with bags and bags of stuff and who wants to travel holding extra bags? Packing everything and keeping what you need, light, is key. You've seen those people with 5 purses I'm sure. So it can be frustrating to have more than you can handle.

In the end, it seems we leave with our spirits and everything physical is left behind. For sure, I'm ready for change, whatever this recurring means. Finding a new job. Leaving legacy behind (photos/memories/recipes). It's just time to let go. 

I Revel at 3 Physical and Spiritual Needs

Good Morning,

May 26, 2024.  Captain's Log, supplemental.  I just got back from my trip to Canada. My mother-in-law passed away after we learned about her terminal illness during Christmas.  It's been a rough week.  However, while encountering stress and hardship during these times, I was able to get away, recharge and recuperate.  During this period, three things came to me (three revels I call it) in the signs that life throws my way so I must pay attention.

Revel #1.  About two years ago, a speaker came to a women's conference workshop at one of my friend's church. My friend invited me to that workshop.  During the workshop, there were books mentioned that were on the reading list. One of them, A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23, was on there.  Two years later, I quickly stashed that book into my luggage hoping to steal some time and read it.  Wow, was that the best thing that happened especially how my family has encountered rough times.  

The funeral service for my mother-in-law was beautiful. From the music playing, to the readings and my daughter's speech, the service could not have been a better celebration.  The responsorial psalm she had chosen before she passed away was Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not Want."

I so far, had read three chapters, and the most important take away so far was that the life of a flock of sheep is like that of God's people who live our lives with the master looking and caring for us.  The author of the book, is an actual shepherd for a flock of sheep (ewes, female sheep).  While reading this book, the author likens our spiritual life to that of how a flock operates and very much so, in a similar way.  He uses words that really are geared for livestock and domesticated sheep but at the same time, relates to the lives of God's people and behavior in a group.  For example, there may be one sheep that is domineering and want to be top "sheep." Or, a sheep that goes astray, causing other sheep to follow.

My favorite one is the term he used to describe when an outside threat, such as a wolf or coyote tries to come and disturb the flock.  The term he used was "molest." I'm like... WHAT?  Often, we associate that word with modern day offense, such sexual assault on a child. But in fact, in this context, it means to persistently annoy or disturb. Can you imagine if we can use this in our daily lives. Who am I persistently annoying and how is this affecting my relationship?  The other term he used was in order to make a sheep lie down in green pastures, the livestock must be healthy and free from pestilence such as insects, flies and ticks.  Well what do you know. I'm not crazy after all from lathering myself up with bug spray before heading out in the tropics! 

Revel #2

During this trip, I ran into two visions and signs that came my way.  It made me aware of some things and maybe it is perchance, or maybe it was predestined that I got this message.  On this trip, I brought with me a magazine on organizing and de-cluttering unimportant stuff in your life. Organization has been a interesting topic because it deals with how we manage the physical elements around us that come into our lives.  Well, the magazine starts by describing a few types of organizers. The sentimental one, the visual one (needs to see everything out in plain site) or the tidy one.

As I returned from my trip to the cottage, my husband had to stop at the funeral home to pick up documentation. I of course, after an hour in the car, had to use the bathroom. I quickly rushed in and was directed to their restrooms. I walked in and never in my life thus far, have I scene a restroom so immaculately peaceful, inviting, clean in my life. I felt a sense of peace in this space. I couldn't help but think as I walked out. Wow.  How is it that I had that feeling when all my life, I avoided public restrooms for the fact that it is chaotic and anything but peaceful.  The answer? A feeling of peace and calm.  Perhaps the funeral home was inviting to all guests who feel overwhelmed, chaotic, and in turmoil in their inner soul and to be welcomed by a clean and peaceful place where they can wash away their stress in their physical bodies and physical lives can bring a bit of serenity.

The message then was repeated to me again, when I visited a friend's house and again, I sensed a peace of calm and tranquility. I wondered to myself, how can this person have no piece of clutter in site? Having a space free of disorder is comforting.

Revel #3

This trip was very much last minute as we did not know when we would be traveling. But I packed my bags in less than a week's notice and prepared according to the weather and where we would be going. As I marvel in this trip, I realized this mimics a lot of my life.  The organization that I so strive for, in order to enjoy the larger things in life, so that I'm not running around frantically trying to look for something, to invite peace and security into my life.  I bought a couple of spare clothes that I might need. I brought just enough. And if I didn't bring enough, I was able to get access to a place that provided me what I needed.

When it was a sweater for a cold weather, medicine for my sinuses, or even having spare clothes in case of stains or spills, I was prepared. Because life is unpredictable. You just don't know what you are going to need and when you are going to need it. We carry around so much in our lives with this debilitating fear and end up storing so much stuff we might need one day. Let go and let God.  He is our shepherd, he knows what we need.

I guess sometimes we just have to make the best of it and the rest .. follow with our eyes closed.

A Happy DREAM

 It's not often that I wake up feeling happy or that I had a GREAT dream.  When I do, it truly is a great feeling.  

I dreamed that I was leading an exercise class.  We first started with me briefing how important it is to stretch our bodies and warm them up so we can be ready for an activity such as a game, an Olympic event, etc.  So I proceed to lead to show them how to stretch.  Then I said, it's time to start increasing our heart rate so we're going to walk around in the circle.  I said just 10 minutes a day shows how much it can help our bodies.  I told them we have two circles, inner is the ones who want to run and the outer is for those who want to walk.  Afterwards, we had about 5 minutes remaining and I was going to show them the last activity of the class, and that is floor work -- ab exercises and some strengthening.

In real life, I'm not a fitness expert. I've been leading SoulCore classes now going on the 2nd year at the church. I enjoy leading people spiritually. I feel like that's my gift. Motivating and I myself, went through many transformations in my younger years as I had personal trainers and a bunch of fitness classes. I had more energy back then. I was ambitious. I also went through some Yo-Yo diets and had success with weight lost. Keeping it off was my struggle.  But in no means, am I physical anatomy expert or have proper queuing although I'm learning.

I think sometimes my calling is to be a leader of some sort - to motivate people to lead healthier lives. My life long struggle with being happy and positive sometimes revert and I end up going to my old ways. But life isn't static.  We are individuals who go through experiences that change and mold us.  Study shows that our brains are more bendable then we think, although we often tell ourselves that "I'm an old dog. I can't learn new tricks."  We justify reasons for why we can't change.

I joined an online support group on self-confidence. I think I have come a long way. Others may think that I read all these self-help books and have gone to therapy for 30 years and it hasn't changed me. I beg to differ. I can now speak more comfortably in a group, thanks to Toastmasters. I am more confident than I was in my teen years, knowing that I don't have to be perfect.  

Sure, I have setbacks and I get into a depression, self-sorry cycle, but I realize it. And after 40 years, I know I have tools at my disposal to move on.  I have friends that love me and support me.  And I know now I can't make the world love me.  And I have let go of the fact that a person's action is not always about me. I know I can stop taking it personal because I used to think that way.  Because of my low self-esteem, I blame myself thinking with a negative attitude and internalizing. I'm constantly looking for approval.  I can blame childhood neglect for this --but whatever.  

Someone said, It's not always about you.  We are ego-centric by nature. After all, we are given 5 senses to see the world and it's through our own eyes.  Touch, vision (our camera), smell, hearing and... taste? Some have six. But that's how we navigate our world.

And that's all I have to say about that.  (---Forrest Gump)

Happy, Active and NOT Lurking

 Good Morning,

It's that time of the year... the time to write and update my blog.  I just finished my Mass Media course in pursuit of my intended technical certificate Social Media which I hope to attain by Spring 2025.  That's right, I have 1 like and 30 followers, but who's to say I cannot go in a field that I have energy and passion for. It can't go downhill from here.  Let's momentarily switch topics.

There once was a serial killer who admitted in an interview, that his parents had nothing to do with how he turned out. Well, hell. This man was from a typical white-bred middle class family who appeared to have love and support most of his life.  I come from a family that is not traditionally the same. We always seem to avoid blame or blame everything else but ourselves. Yes, I never grew up with the mentality of taking ownership because in the end, that leaves me feeling powerless. But yet, some people naturally gravitate toward this.  This came to a realization that I would avoid blame at all costs, including putting blame on someone else so I wouldn't look bad.

Last night I decided to watch a tutorial on Happiness for Teens that I put off for the longest time because I knew I don' have time for it. But it's an important topic. And I do want to know the happiness and well being of teenagers today, given that Generation Z appears to be the most depressed generation - says research. Turns out, that one of the cause of unhappiness in social media is how you approach it. There are many passive lurkers out there, that don't interact but scroll through social media -- adding to their mental state of mind.

Human behavior has been studied, according to Google, early 1900s. You'd be shock to think this field is relatively new. I chose Psychology as a second major in my college career back in the early 2000s because I was fascinated with the class in high school, child psychology. I wanted to know if we can control the outcome of a child's life through proper support, love and tools we give them, despite their genetics inclination. Well, if you circle back to that earlier statement I made about Dahmer, it simply indicates either he's lying and refuse to blame his father or the truth -- that we really can't tell the true motivation for a human's behavior.  Can we blame our parents for how we learn to live through "modeling" and what is acceptable and not acceptable?  This is the theory, "learned through modeling." Or do we do the opposite of what our parents did through the traumas we encountered growing up, vowing never to be like them?

In the end, the answer to happiness?  Is within. Is a state of mind. Stop trying to evaluate why someone loves or doesn't love you. You can't make the world love you.  Indeed, I grew up in a period of pop culture and all I ever wanted was to be famous and in the limelight.  Why, because that promises that you would be loved?  Did Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, or even Karen Carpenter feel loved? The anguish Karen felt not loving her body, or the anguish that Elvis felt, what fame brings into his life?

Food for thought.    

The Overseas Life

 February 14, 2024. It is a valentine's day, and what could be more appropriate than to wake up from a dream full of hopes, dreams, past loves and passions.  

First dream scene - Overseas: I dreamt that I was placed overseas again. I found my RAV 4 Toyota with my Floridian plate facing a busy baseball field. It is loud, very loud with young kids running around all over.  My car has been shipped yet again to a foreign land.  It is somewhere in Asia as I stepped out of my beautiful and roomy minimalist apartment into a scenery of palm trees.  My husband and I were in the American compound. This compound was full of different sized homes for different families. It even had a a changing/locker area.  We were welcomed by local Americans who was giving us a brief saying that white chocolates and treats are in the reception area.  I talked with another fella who was standing by my car and said you are more than just a drive over to the other side of the compound as there are other American single homes there.  Wow, my husband and I decide to drive, and walk to check it out.  

Truth: Yes, when you go overseas you are taken care of, in more ways than one. You are in a foreign land and the first thing you want to do is get your bearings. Nothing can be more daunting than to be lost and alone. 

Second dream scene - My husband takes me to a Mango museum and he told me to get down and greet the local. She gave me a mango and I proceed to eat it. My fingers are sticky so I look around for a bathroom and already there are other tourists lined up to wash their hands down the hall at a washroom. I see the tour has begun. A group is walking over there but I don't want to join my group. I see my husband in one group and proceeded to join him. But did we do the tour? No, because dreams don't make sense. I find myself waking up with the box of unopened mangoes and a receipt of the tour and I asked my husband, are we going back to the tour? Meanwhile,  my daughter is somewhere there, doing another activity with a friend. We decided to "return the tour." In my mind, this is Asia and returning things is not a way of life.

Truth: There is a lot to see and do overseas. You don't know if you'll get the same things as you do in American and sometimes you long for the conveniences and things you are used to. You can't take your life back. It is done.

Third and final dream scene - I mentioned earlier about passions. This one was a show rehearsal for an important BBQ event. I had one acting scene and I must remember it. We tried different takes and I finally found one that the director agreed with. It's the next day and I am LATE! I felt mortified being less than prepared but you know what, I did what I did, and showed up at my spot, and I delivered my lines. The other actor reacted. I showed my daughter, and told the other actors that "I am pursuing this acting passion in attempt to increase my confidence. But I didn't have to tell you that."  My daughter was there helping me choose the costume on delivery day. Although I missed portions of it, I did arrive and did deliver. I felt redeemed.

Truth: Just the night before, I was in a Toastmaster's meeting and without prior knowledge or preparation, I delivered a speech only seconds under a minute for this exercise called, "Table Topics" which focuses on impromptu speaking. It forced me to be spontaneous and think quick. I guess I wanted to inspire my daughter by hoping she would see that she was naturally good at this.  What a connection - to want more for her, as the line in "The Joy Club" says, "This feather brings with it, good intentions."   

A Look Back at 2023

2023 has been good to me. I lead SoulCore classes, I discovered what I wanted to do after Dept of State, and I worked on loving myself more. 

I had a wonderful counselor who was supportive of my journey and empathic at the same time. Sometimes having someone who gets you makes all the difference in the world. I am grateful my prayers have been answered. I’m grateful for the support groups to help me in my journey as well. I find that I do well with likeminded people and appreciate the support.

Every year people vow to lose weight. This year, I want to be grateful for my blessings. Being happier will help me to make better choices. The fact that I worked hard (maybe not smarter) to lose weight each time tells me that it doesn’t have to be difficult to attain a goal or even sharpening the saw (maintaining once goal is achieved). I also have a predisposition to be heavier. I need to love myself now, not when I am at my ideal weight.

So to end on a positive note, I’ve come a long way. I don’t need to be jealous of another’s gift when God has given me my own gifts. I am blessed for the things he has brought into my life this year to comfort me, and for providing what I need according to His timeline. Amen.