Traveling Again

Back in the USA

 

June 12, 2014

Well, my journey in Swaziland ends today.  Again, I am traveling, venturing into new territories and perhaps making new friendships and contacts again.  Life is a journey and last night’s dream prove to be so.  I dreamt that I was in a cruise and during this adventure, not only did I have such strong emotions, there were twists and turns and sites of new cities as well as feelings of broken promises and missing old friends.  I really love the joys of traveling but dislike the pains of leaving behind what has been established.  I will miss this city and the people I’ve met but they have all changed me, as I hope I have changed or inspired them. 

In last night’s cell bible study, we went over the program, 5 love languages by Gary Chapman.  Interestingly enough, I read this book while I was in Florida and each bit of it made sense that once I started reading it, I couldn’t put the book down.  Well yesterday they spoken of two types of people – the one who talks (babbling brooks) and the one who listens or doesn’t talk (the dead sea).  I knew for certain that I was a “babbling brook” although not in the first sense that you meet me, but that I happily express myself and to great detail, like to make known, what and how I feel (thus many people feel frustrated when I don’t finish listening).  I feel like a babbling brook in the sense that as my husband puts in, “you don’t have to tell the whole story” but I feel the need to be expressive so that people can “understand” me.  But then last night’s dream revealed two things to me – that I’m not necessarily one or the other, but I am a bit of both.  I do keep certain feelings inside, those that are very strong to me and that I never feel safe to reveal.  So yes, like the dead sea I do have a reservoir, just like they said.  I think to a certain extent everyone has one but they would know which one they lean toward the most.  I like telling stories..It’s what can be recorded and can show what was once lived.  Scrapbooking is one means of recording that story for me.  I know certain people like to live in the moment, never record a thing in their life, but know it is all “up here” in their heads but everyone has a finite time on earth.  And with that, a lost of precious memories.   

What’s important to a person? To leave that history behind or to take it with them when they depart earth?  I guess that is the question and one cannot (and should not) persuade an ideal on another, for we are all different (created in God’s images) and special that way.

 3:21 PM Johannesburg Airport

Here I am killing time at the airport.  Driver had to get me here early so he can return to Swaziland by daylight.  Anyways, I survived the long wait as I’ve just enjoyed a two-scoop cup of delicious Haagen-Dazs ice cream.  What better way to use up my remaining RAND.  Got some souvenirs too..one for the little one, the hubby and for mom/Batt.  Haven’t been in touch with them over a day and it will be two days by the time I arrive Friday morning.  Funny how time flies fast when you are traveling & waiting.. Just like that book by Dr. Seuss.  We are always just waiting..waiting for a train to come or a plane to fly   (Oh the Places you’ll go).  I saw mom last few times on Skype and she looked so very weak and near death.  It’s so sad when I think of the things she enjoys like the magnets and buying souvenirs, all these things makes me want to cry.  She was my mom, good or bad; weaknesses and strength.  She is my mom, and she did the most wonderful thing one can do – give me life.  What makes me want to cry very much is knowing when I talk to her, even on Skype she seemed to open her eye as much as she can and try to talk – how can one say that a person’s condition like that has “no brain activity?”  She is in God’s hands now.

5:15 PM

Now at the gate, done going through the too familiar security check at the gate and just waiting to board.  Almost 1 and a half hour of listening to Mark’s Gospel while looking for pictures of grandma and Alyssa on my laptop’s Memory Manager.  I love how I can find pics quickly according to timeline and subject.  I know by the time is Alyssa is older, her memories with grandma will soon be long forgotten.  I think it will be a good memorial for my mom.  I don’t want to be selfish but I want mommy to either recover in full, or go to God.  When I land, I will find out from daddy, what the verdict is.  I know she will always be with me. 

During my last few weeks in Swaziland, I’ve had the joy of Skyping with Alyssa and it was like I was touching her hair.  I thank God for this new technology.  I’ve been away what is now almost two months although it does not feel long at all.  The pain of my mother in this vegetative state/dying condition, the anxiety of going overseas, and a daughter being cared for without me is probably enough to keep me on the edge.  What has helped me is my faith in God to take care of Alyssa.  She was born to be my daughter and I, her mother.  There was a purpose for Alyssa in this world and I hope that God can continue to guide me.

Pic of Alyssa here – Skyping w Momma

 

 

June 15, 2014

I arrived in DC and things were not so smooth the first few days, for me emotionally/phsycially.  Mom is still in hospice and had her moments where it looked to be pain.  But now back to comfort, as I left the hospital.  Suffice to say, God has helped me as I prayed hard and hope that he will continue to guide and save us.  It’s the day before training so I end this blog entry here.  Til next time, check back as my travel continues!!  Thanks for your time and hope you continue to enjoy reading.