A Look Back at this Past Year

With only three more days remaining in 2022, one can only think about reflecting on the past year and how to improve upon the coming year.  

I want to say that 2022 wasn't a bad year at all, in looking back at the past three years. Despite the trials I faced and the disappointments, I was happy and couldn't ask for more. I had a good management and boss team, I got to be with my daughter and family in South Florida, and start my SoulCore ministry which I have tried to start since 2019. I think spiritually I have grown as well although I've had a few setbacks. It goes to show we are all human in the end.

Best memories of 2022.  Going on Spring break in April with the family. That was the best. Coming out of a depression and looking forward to a week of relaxation and no duties or work and truly disconnecting and connecting with families was the best.  Also, having a couple of weeks alone with the cat when Alyssa went to Canada with Jason. She was supposed to go alone but issues with the person taking her on flight didn't work out so Jason ended up going to Canada just the two of them.  The alone time was great. No rules, no worries, just me.

One hard lesson learned:  Well there were probably more than one, but I guess you can't always assume. You can't assume your best friend will be there for you. You can't assume that you can do anything and get away with it.  In the end, it catches up with you.  Be clear, be upfront and be cautious.  This scripture I will hold dear to my heart "Proverbs 4:23, NIV: Above All else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

One thing I did that I'm proud of: Actually made the deadline for signing up for dental insurance. Last year I missed the window but for Alyssa's medical. This year I actually set a reminder and I set a wrong date (Dec14 when the deadline was Dec 12). I frantically called the Benefeds and they said they would let me sign up -- that would have bene two years in a row I missed. You only have one month a year (open season) to sign up for insurance.

Now that I'm done reflecting, I'd like to focus on three things to look forward to in the new year.  I'd like to visit at least one new country or place next year.  I want to get better at letting go and moving on when others offend me. I tend to fixate.  Last but not least I want to try new volunteer activities that will allow me to discover hidden talents and joys that I have within. I know God didn't provide me with a single talent that stands out. Otherwise I wouldn't  have been a master of none, LOL.  I know I wasn't meant to be a soloist or a pianist, but I know the basics of managing people and processes.  And maybe some things about computer technology.  I'm basically ready to wind down.  So I end with this scripture for hope.  

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ” — Jeremiah 29:11

Where Did the Time Go

Bo's Log:  Supplemental.  Actually, that was always the start of Jean Luke's picard's introduction in the old TV television series, Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I think keeping a log is so important so I'm going to try and keep up this blog, even though it's been nearly a year since my last log entry.

So much has happened in almost a year and how fast 2022 has been.  I am happy to report the year has gone from getting better to incredibly awesome.  Yes!!  The covid hibernation and depressing days are nearly behind us.  As some of you may know, from following me previously on my entries, life has been on the rough edge, and in many cases, on the bit of the dark side.  I was depressed, unmotivated, and just wanted to escape. Yes, I've been through a lot.  I've been through a lot of disappointments, failures,  discouragements, and frustrations. TO the point where I wanted to truly give up -- why try?  But here I am. That's because I kept on hanging.

I'll start off with the recent projects I've been involved in.  Just lately, the Holy Spirit has been gently pushing my interest in rekindling the SoulCore project. I got certified in 2018 when I went to a SoulCore class at St. Joan of Arc church in Boca Raton and was hooked.  A friend and I were supposed to go to the retreat together and get certified but how things turn out doesn't always go as planned. I end up going alone but met some new supporters and friends who helped me start the classes in South Florida. Only problem was that I wasn't able to establish it because I moved to DC and my co-partner was not able to get the classes continued at the Parish.  Meanwhile, in Washington DC, I visited several churches only to have the door on me closed.  Yes, failures and discouragements, but I move on.  So now is my chance again -- will I be around South Florida to get it established for my community? Only God has the say I suppose.

Next, I started back with the Church Choir again. The ministry has been on pause also because of the covid, but when I started singing again with the group, I realized how much I missed singing. And it was so true, that singing is like praying twice. I want to improve my singing and my voice, but for now I'm glad to be in the church with my friends again. I know in the past, I felt like I went to far as to how much influence I wanted on the group - I was trying too hard to build a better team and improve things but sometimes, it's best to surrender and let God take care of it.  I will work on my own ministry now, the SoulCore project since I am the ownership of that.

Project 3 - I started getting back into exercise.  For those of you who have not seen me in two or three years, you would noticed I've put on 30-40 lbs. I attribute this to lack of a good diet in DC, along with the stressors I've faced. Thank you all for not judging me, and for not making a comment about how "heavier" I look. The only thing I got from a co-worker I haven't seen in 5 years was, "are you pregnant?" No I'm not. I wish, LOL.  Along with getting back to Zumba classes, cycle classes, going to the gym the last year has been a challenge to say the least. I've lost energy, I've lost motivation, but all I can say it's a work in progress. Oh, and I've started this new sport, "pickle ball" which is really great exercise. I have been taking dance classes, but truth be told, I have really been pushing myself. Some days I just didn't want to be there.  Again, I kept going.  

I've been involved in getting Alyssa's memory book up-to-date. I realized I dumped a lot of her school grade reports and work in a file in the cabinet and felt, as a mother, I should have done more with it. I look at my mother-in-law as an inspiration, as she did a great job with Jason's baby book and school book records, and made me realize, I should be a little more organized.  Not to say I wasn't involved in Alyssa's life enough, I was, but I guess I needed better prioritization.  This project was great -- I was able to remember all the details of all the years, rekindle with old folks via E-mail -- thank Goodness for the Internet age right? I can pinpoint down to the year she was in ice skating, gymnastics and horseback riding... I was even be able to find out who her friends were too during those years.  All through Facebook, GMAIL and google photos.  Recording grade 9 through 12 now should be a breeze if I was able to pull all this up.  If I can remember to fill it during and at the end of the school year and not 8 years later!!

Earlier this year, I got promoted at my office.  Many of you have heard of my frustrations with trying to get on the Foreign Service promotion list for years. Year after year, it's disappointment that I couldn't make the list. Well, I'm at that point where getting the recognition is nice, but I'm really ready to retire. I've been working in the government since I was 18 years old, I really can retire now. My passion is waning down, it's time for the younger folks to take over. Getting the promotion off the books is nice, it's like the recognition is finally catching up, after meeting up with so much frustration with previous management teams who were not supportive.  Even my training got denied in DC due to short staff, and someone had to back me up, saying "that was not right." Well, what can I say? Let go and let God.

Now, onto the news you guys are probably waiting to hear about -- my daughter Alyssa.  She has and will always be the spotlight in my life.  She has been cancer free now for two years.  It was so rough and a lot of people knew the emotional ride my family has been through with that. She graduated from the 8th grade this past June, with honors. I'm so proud of her, but most of all, she kept a group of great, supportive friends.  This year she also got confirmed, so I feel like she definitely has entered the rite of passage and is starting a new chapter at Archbishop High school.  May God be with her.

We had a family cruise in April with Jason's sisters, Lisa and Cindy, and his nephew, Michael. We had a blast!! The three of us have done several cruises, but to have a family cruise was a different experience and I truly enjoyed it. Getting back to work after that week was rough, but that's why vacations are so special. They come only once in a while so we have to appreciate those special moments.

We also spent a week for Christmas in Canada and it made me realize how much I miss being with family.  Again, I'm glad this covid craziness is nearly over!

To summarize this novel today, the year has definitely gotten better since covid hit.  Things are normalizing up, I'm so happy that my passions are being rediscovered and that my motivation is back.  I got to go back to in-person bible studies. I felt like this group helped my journey a great deal, we studied the Book of Matthew which was about the ministry of Jesus during his years on earth.  What a blessing it was.  Life has it's ups and downs, both Alyssa and I miss our old friends and old ways of life, but God has taught us we have to learn to move on and continue to count our blessings however big or small they are.  

Slowly, but Surely

It’s been six months since my last entry and things are moving positively in a good direction. Not as quick as I hope, but surely.  What is the saying again? “All in God’s timing?”

Alyssa can now bend to about 105 degrees and can easily do squats and bicycle machine.  I know it seems like such a long time, but we can only hope it will continue to be restored as time goes on.  Her physical therapist just said she should be done with therapy soon, and I ask her “but what about her full mobility” she said Alyssa will have enough to work on her own. So once the surgeon is ok with this decision, I hope she will allow Alyssa to continue personal training at the gym which will give her a chance to increase her flexibility.

Alyssa and I have been at the gym for may 2-3 months now. We are both getting stronger and able to lift heavier weights each time.  As for me, I am not on a drastic diet but I feel a bit better.  I have to thank God for the job to get me up each day and have a purpose.  I just am not in a place to start a drastic diet yet. Been there, done that, know what it requires. So again….slowly but surely.  My goal is to be strong enough and motivated enough to start up the SoulCore certification that I got back in 2018.  If God wills it, this will bring me even more energy and purpose to life. 

My job is going well. I feel proud that one of projects I managed is near completion and now I am given a few more responsibilities so I am at a good place now with meeting a work-balance.  I always want to make a difference, so if it is toward the end of my career that I see output of my work, so be it.  All in God’s hands and all in God’s plan.

Since it will be another six months or so until I jump on this blogger again, I wish you all a Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I am looking forward to spending the Holidays with family in Canada.  Not looking forward to the cold though.  But who’s complaining?

An Update Since September 2020

 It's been too long since I've updated my blog.  This year has gone by so fast.  It's now been nine months since Alyssa completed chemotherapy.  She's also still doing physical therapy although now she goes only once a week.  She's able to bend her leg to about 85 degrees but still cannot bend it all the way and this is a  year after her first surgery has taken place.  The therapist doesn't force her leg to bend anymore, but does different functional exercises to get her moving.

She goes for her third leg surgery on Thursday.  The screws that were part of the original surgery had come lose and they need to install a plate as they are unable to remove the screws.  Her second follow-up leg surgery was to remove the other screws attached to her growth plate in her leg and to add more bone graft to facilitate healing.  Still her leg is not healing as it should so they will be adding more bone graft on Thursday.

How is Alyssa feeling? She's not nervous, this will be her seventh surgery since her cancer journey started.  1) When she biopsy done to confirm she had cancer 2) Port installed for chemo treatment 3) appendix removed as it became inflamed 4) major surgery to remove cancer tumor in her femur and add cadaver bone and her own fibula bone 5) follow-up surgery to remove screws in her leg 6) removing port after cancer treatment.  And finally this one.  

She's a trooper that's for sure, and she's managed to maintain A average on her report card.  Only one term she got a "B."  She works hard and stays positive; even makes time to do ab workouts.  I'm proud of her.

Mother's Day was a great celebration.  Alyssa filled out a "mom and me" journal I bought from Target in 2019. It's good to see how she responds to questions in the journal that we both can relate to. She also got me a care basket and we, as a family, went to Pho (my favorite noodle soup place) for dinner.

As for me, I'm doing OK.  I've been teleworking now for 3 months and it's going OK.  Not so busy, but get to work on a high visibility project.  I'm still waiting to hear on my security clearance -- it was pulled in October which limits my ability to bid on assignments.  I don't know the reason for it, but I hope it gets reinstated soon.  It was mostly related to my panic attack when I was in DC and had to be hospitalized (voluntarily).  

Well, I'm just glad that Alyssa has been cancer free, her hair is growing and she's gaining weight.  We just hope she continues to grow on schedule.  

One month Post Chemo

Well, one month and a few days past Alyssa’s last chemo. She also had her 3 month CT and MRI scans and she is all clear!  Still, her port has to remain in for a few more months as advised by her doctor’s just in case. Yesterday we went to the doctor’s office to do a port flush to make sure it doesn’t clog or stop working during inactivity.

She is doing overall fine. She is keeping up with her classes via Zoom without having to work with the coach offered by the school. Everyday at lunch, she chats with her friend from school and sees her on weekends. Life is somewhat normalizing although she is not done.

Physical therapy began a couple of weeks ago and she is doing well. Sometimes the therapist works her to the point of crying, but she is a trooper. Now we wait to see the surgeon to remove the screws from her growth plate and she is also now using a device to help her bone heal. If it doesn’t heal properly they may need to add bone graft to the top. The bottom portion seems to be healing fine so that is good news.  Alyssa is now using crutches instead of a walker to get her left leg used to more weight.  We still have ways to go before she can run. Just glad she is on the road to recovery, along with the ongoing appointments needed.

As for mom, I am doing well. Keeping busy with cooking during the work week while Jason works. I am becoming an amateur cook after trying out all these casserole dishes my cousin sent me. When a recipe tells me 10 min prep it’s usually 20 for me, LoL. But I am getting better and learning not to overcook chicken!! I went to see a doctor and he says that I need to take iron again - it appears I am anemic. Otherwise I am healthy and need to lower my sugar levels. I am not diabetic but my mom had diabetes type 2 so I need to be careful. 

Until next time... Thank you all for reading and for your prayers. Once this pandemic is over, I look forward to getting together for a cup of wine or so!!!

Last Week of Chemo

Well, we have finally reached our final week of chemo. What a long journey this has been since the start of it, December 20.  We are going to miss all the staff in the hospital, the wonderful nurses, the massage therapist, the art therapist, the physical therapist and even a yoga teacher who came in and offered me lessons. Alyssa wasn’t into music but we even got a visit from the musician who played the guitar. It is a nice little community here. And to top that, the child life specialist drops by with goodies for Alyssa each time. They get a lot of toy donations so it’s been raining arts and crafts, toys, puzzles and LEGO’s and whatnot.

It’s been nice, but Alyssa will be glad not to have the smell of the hospital anytime soon. This is a huge accomplishment for her to stick it through to the end.

School starts the following week, and it will be busy for her but it is a relief knowing she will resume a somewhat normal life again. Soon to be gone are the 12-hour days of sleep and hours of playing Fortnite with Dad, nonstop. 

I have tracked a list of side effects from chemo and just so glad that things will normalize up. Alyssa will start eating more once her appetite returns, her hair will grow back, she won’t be neutropenic anymore meaning she won’t have food restrictions such eating only low-bacteria foods. Her body will heal quicker too, with chemo out of the way.

We are proud of our little girl’s courage and strength and look forward to putting this behind her, as the year she will never forget. 

Week 25

Well, here we are approaching the last leg of chemo therapy. Next week two outpatient visits, then 1 week break, then the last two back to back week chemos....yay!! Still not out of the woods by any means, as the side effects (especially with appetite issues) will linger after chemo is done.  I am glad to build a network where I can ask questions and know what to expect.

I am happy and ready to move forward. I am on leave without pay from work until next April but I must begin looking for my next work assignment, April 2021. Fortunately 6-year rule of working stateside max for the State Department has increased to 8 years so I can try for an assignment in Florida again since I have worked in the US 5 years since returning from Baghdad in 2015. This means I need to lobby soon and if it’s not FL this time around, I may have to separate again from my family. I don’t want to, it has caused emotional turmoil for me and a distancing with my daughter.  As I say before, they don’t pay the big bucks for nothing.

Alyssa is doing fine.  She still has issues from chemo side effects but we are doing our best to manage it. Her blood pressure is normal again.  If my calculations are correct, a fever is due week 27, and she is back in the hospital with those darn covid nose swab tests again for EACH hospital inpatient admission. I have heard babies cry but even a grownup has cried. Yeah, imagine having someone push a stick up your nose. Each time she cries, and each time it gets worse when the nurses try and she delays it up to 3-5 min before she is ready.

I am just glad this will be over. I am looking forward to when she is no longer immunocompromised. I see pictures of ppl’s Instagram and Facebook vacay pics to the outdoors, pool parties, just getting out and one wonders....are we in the middle of a pandemic or what?! I wish I can get out soon with my family too. Hanging in there.

I’ll be back at the end to post soon. I know I used to be super active in posting to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and what not. But I am slowly but surely returning to my normal self.  I am beginning to realize how I fell into this deep dark pit and now I am ready to pull myself out ....real soon.

Til next time. Thank you for praying for us. 🙏🏻😊❤️