The Concept of Time Travel

The concept of time travel has always fascinated me. My favorite movie is Back to the Future because if the opportunity exists to go back and make things better for our future wouldn’t we? Besides the movie is a classic with all kinds of punchlines. It is hilarious what people do the past would think of people of today. 

I think about another romantic movie in Thai where a modern day woman goes back in time and falls in love with a man who lived during the 5th King’s reign. The idea transcends culture because it is something every  humans dreams of.

Time travel is not only a fantasy everyone dreams of, it revolves around romance because love is eternal. Like the movie “Somewhere in Time” and the chic flick with Meg Ryan “Kate and Leopoldo” where she falls in love with a man from 1876 just shows how customs change, but human nature doesn’t. And my favorite scene is where she gets up and as a gentleman, he says it is polite to stand up when a woman gets up. 

Time travel will always fascinate me. Even though I don’t have a delorean like Marty, I travel in time all the time through visiting pictures and daily ruminations of how my day, week and month went.

What is Happiness and why do we demand perfection

It has been a month since I took time off to be with Alyssa during her chemo treatment.  I am slowly crawling out of my depression and start to ponder how I arrived at where I was in DC in pursuit of happiness. Just as my life was busy in FL with choir, singing lessons, dance lessons, bible study, tennis lessons, personal training it is no wonder I lost sight of what is important.

Sure I enjoy keeping busy but in doing so I missed what is important and drifted away from family life. When I moved to DC, I kept up some of the same activities only to realize they truly did not make me happy. I thought I was doing me.

I enjoyed my new job and I thought I found my true calling. But then severe depression struck me and with the help of my therapist, and my best friend, as well as partial hospitalization program, I knew I had a lot to offer. I am not defined by my past. I was in a lot of pain and was running away from it. Priorities was never my strength. I was blind to the truth and was deceived by what I thought would make me happy.

And what is exactly is that? Is it praises and kudos and attention? Or is it something more?

This is the last time I am running. Success for me is not defined by how much weight I lost, how many certifications I have, or even how far I advance in my career.  Having the perfect voice, the perfect style, the perfect car and house and family .. that are the measurements of humans and does not guarantee happiness.

Home is where the heart is and I believe I will have the patience to endure this difficult time, giving up all that made me happy short term and looking for long term happiness from above. I pray that Jesus will give me the strength I need to wait for the crown of glory.

A Year in Reflection

It has been a couple months since my last post. I have stepped away from blogging due to difficulties of life but I am back, slowly but surely recovering.  I have learned that many things have changed yet many stay the same. And through it all, I have Christ in my heart.

Last month, my daughter was diagnosed with osteosarcoma of the femur bone. It was shocking to say the least. A girl who had straight As, played travel soccer, track and field and one of the most healthiest child with a promising future, just had a setback with a life threatening disease. The good news is that it is localized, but the treatment can be up to a year and there is still surgery involved. Why the disheartening news?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. As I said earlier, I still have God in my heart and He will see me through. I just have to remember that whatever I am going through, it is just a season. I will get over my depression. Alyssa will be cured from cancer with no complications.

Last year, 2018, I certified to become a SoulCore leader - a fitness leader in a exercise movement to the prayers of the rosary. The exercise teaches us to meditate to Christ suffering, feeling his pain in each movement and learning to bear it all. During the certification, I read the book 33 days to morning glory and consecrated my life and that of my family to the protection of Mary. All this to say that I trust in God’s healing and the blessed mother’s intercession to see me and my family through no matter how I am feeling.

As I reflect on 2019, I see the hardships I faced with travel to a new assignment, separation from my family with my assignment to pursue a job that I have been wanting and enjoying every bit until I hit a wall. Then, seeing God work in me, as the rest of the year bears bad news. All this will end with 2019.  Because, as the staying goes, once you hit rock bottom you can only go up.

Smarter not Harder

There is a saying, work smarter, not harder.  Why has it been drilled in me to my very being, that everything pays off only through hard work and sweating. It doesn't have to be that way.

Since I was a child, I worked hard to get good grades.  Since I was a child, I worked hard to gain the love and attention of those around me.  Yet, life has passed me by and I broke a sweat trying to reach my goals.  Yet others do so, effortlessly.  They were smart about it.  How can I be smart as well?

This week, I decided there is a better way. That way is not having to insist anymore, but to go with the ebb and flow of life.  God knows what He's doing. And He will finish his work in me, not with endless struggles, but with ease.   

That's right. I won't insist. If someone doesn't want to--I will leave them be. If you're looking for a seal of approval from someone, and are not getting it, just leave it be. 

Today, after going to worship, I find a bit of encouragement when the pastor invited me to sing a solo during one of their services.  That was so nice.  Here I was, feeling discouraged by not getting approval from another church to sing a solo, and here I am, being welcomed with open arms.  It feels great to belong. It feels great not to work so hard.  It feels great to just go with the flow.

God I pray you continue to give me strength to move on from the energies of life that drain me and do me no good.  You have anointed us, we just have to trust.  Your arms are stretched out to me.

It doesn't have to be Complicated

Why do we think that accomplishments, goals or projects have to be worked up really hard to be successful?  Why do we think we need to be perfect?

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I would start a book, not finish it.  Why..Because I did not have the one slice of hour dedicated to read.  Example 2: I would tell my boss, no I don't want to do this assignment. I suck at it.  Because I know how anal I could be about it being perfect.  Well then I realized all of this as a lesson God is telling me.  It doesn't have to be perfect or complicated. It just has to get done.

We are taught to lead lives of perfection in order to be alright.  We are taught to meet a standard, a measure, a ruler if you will, to be excellent.  We strive for that.  And how do we measure success?
Validation.

This is faulty human thinking. It hinders us. It causes us anxiety.  It causes us to hate.  It causes us jealousy.

Sometimes acceptance is key, and there is nothing wrong with that. From the time I was young, I knew what I liked and what I wanted. Those desires have not changed. The fear that is linked to desire is still there.

Letting go is hard. It means abandoning our innermost desires and false comfort. I have a first step of  accomplishment that doesn't require outside validation.  And that is my own awareness.  So, with that it really doesn't have to be complicated.

Back to DC..Back to Reality

Well I made it back to DC in one piece. Actually my luggage straggled but it did eventually meet up. Sometimes I feel like life is nothing but a bunch of hyperboles. And one day things will be as they should as God intended. When you fail a test or an exam you failed what God wanted you to learn.  I’ve learned all of this in the past week through these hyperboles. Such as my luggage being lost and found; and being part of a group of IT specialists to prepare exam questions for our future recruits. “Choose THE best answer.” Thank you everyone, for choosing ME as your friend.  Thank you, hubby for choosing me to be your wife.

I had a great time off in FL and I felt like I did what I was supposed to do, during the visit. I felt more at peace also, thanks to the meditation even if some critics could say it is a cult. Well, if good things come out of it it can’t be that bad. As long as I hold onto the truth that there is still only one God.

I recently joined a minimalist group on Facebook and it was interesting, to say the least. I found a bunch of like-minded people. People who wanted to simplify their life and achieve happiness basically with much, much less.

It is odd that I consider my “physical life” to be minimalist but in fact I’m one of the most complicated people you’ll ever meet.

I guess I will end this entry by saying one plus one rarely equals two.

Empowerment

I am enjoying my assignment in DC.  One of the things I get to do as a privilege, is getting to be part of the big picture projects.

Yesterday I attended a presentation from Albanian high school students who were competing in a Technovation contest.  It was amazing to see empowerment in girls at such a young age and the talent and confidence they displayed.  They were presenting a pitch on a new smart phone app to help woman and girls in abusive and violent relationships.  Coming to the United States was daunting.  Presenting to a roundtable of government officials is a challenge and they nailed it. 

Believe it or not, no matter the language, no matter the country, the boundaries of violence does not transcend just a population -- it is every where and it exists still today.

I never really considered myself to be political.  But maybe I am..I have political and religious beliefs. I am from a country that values freedom, life and the pursuit of happiness.  Yes, as women, as minorities, as an identification of a religious belief, we are, in larger parts or small, persecuted when we DON'T remain silence.  Persecution is a killer.  It comes in many forms, don't be deceived.  It is a called from the bureaucracy of a higher "human" power is that "I'm in charge and you will be assimilated. Who wants to be in control.  Resistance is futile."

If there is one thing I learned in my 44 years of life, we are all taught to be conform in one way or the other. I just have to close my eyes and trust that I will be where I am meant to be, because fear served a purpose (for our ancestors) but we are all evolving and we need not let it cripple us. 

Out with the old...and in with the new.