I decided to do a collage of my pictures at every decade for my upcoming 50th birthday in June. Wow. I had no idea what that would have resulted in as I went to sleep and woke up at the wee hours of November 10. Only memories a near 50-year old can process. It includes, the 'good, the bad, and the ugly.'
Turns out a had a major self-esteem issue. I often wondered how my cousin who had a huge impact during my adolescent years played a part in the shaping of my self-esteem. She barely spoke English, but she was the desired one, had more friends/boyfriends I ever had. In my dream, there were actors, one well-known one (brother/sister) Willy and Kathaleeya Mcintosh. I thought they were the model of perfection. They were both charming and beautiful. I grew up in the 1990s idolizing these folks. They appeared in my dream as the object of my affection and how Willy didn't even pay attention to me. The fact is, there's humor behind this. People, I'm not Thai. I look Thai but I don't even have an ounce of Thai in me. I have a Thai accent when I talk. If I go to Thailand now, I'll be concerned about covering up so I don't get bit by mosquitos. This is the punchline of all. Why do I compare myself to Thai people and models. Why do I compare myself at all?
I am my own person today. And gosh darn it, I am loved for it. We are all different human beings with diverse culture, background and memories. And though I lacked what I considered, "love and attention" by the world's ideals, I am loved by the one who matters.
You Say, Lauren Daigle
I believe
